Where do I belong?

Been questioning this sentence to my self for a while now. I have troubled sleeping. I couldn’t concentrate for one thing at a time. My mind is always wandering. I can’t rest well and my body is not in a good health also.

People say that you don’t need to hear what others’ saying about you. You have to live your own dream, never surrender for what others want you to do. I’ve lost. I have lost in my own battle for my dream. I put my dream in the bet and I’ve lost, from the first time. I usually thought and sometime blame someone for where I stand right know. I used to say that I do all of these things for him, to make him happy, even I sacrifice my own happiness. I thought that his happiness in one time can also be my happiness. I was right, for only a short time. Now all that I can think is how misery I am. I always have a nightmare. Hopeless. My dreams is turning into my nightmare. Even when I am awake, all I can feel is sorry for my self.

I feel sorry because i haven’t fight hard enough for my dream. I feel sorry for giving up so easily the first time. I feel sorry for my fucked up life. I feel sorry for all the blames I’ve done. I feel sorry to finally realize that all the blame is on me.

Dreams.

People say that if we can visually reach our dream in our mind, or we always keep the dream in our mind, the dream will eventually be the one who will come to us. We need to keep fighting for our dreams, even in the most impossible stage, for what we always want is what will come to us. But what if our self is the one who separate us from reaching our dreams?