Feminism and Diversity

The final of 2018 World Cup was over, but the hype is still on. As a non-fan of football, I -like anyone else- also want to weigh in to the final of World Cup. Married to a football fan, I have the general knowledge of almost all the match, but not in a detail move by move review (although I suspect that my husband tried to explain it to me while my mind was wandering to somewhere else 😆 ). The final match was a surprise for many people because somehow, all their favourite teams are coming home – sorry England, It is -not- coming home.

France VS Croatia. No one really anticipated this match when the World Cup started, but that was the reality now. Much of unanticipated things are currently happening in this world – yes, I am pointing my finger to you: UK, USA, and also Indonesia! (I am sorry for this emotional finger pointing, but yeah, I was rather saddened because of these things which are happening right now). Back to The Final Match. My husband supported France because he was very happy with their performances led to final and I was a #TeamCroatia, simply because It has a Female President. :))

My attention drew to this final after the match has over and France came as the Winner; although, my husband did admit that Croatian Team played a very good game. The narratives surrounding this match are the reason behind this post. When I stated earlier that I simply support Croatia because of President Kolinda Grabar-Kitarović, it was because I always find my self amazed by female fighter in this patriarchal society. I was eager to find out more about her political career; thus, I googled. Madame President was really playing her card well during this 2018 World Cup: traveled to Moscow with commercial economy flights on her personal expenses, only missed one match of her National Team because of NATO Summit, watched mostly in a non-VIP Stand (source). Despite many people said something about her PR for a re-election campaign, as long as it contributed into the much-needed good stories for the world: I’m buying it. While googling about President Grabar-Kitarović, there are things that unsettled my heart. The first few pages of my google search’s results was shocking, but not surprising, because almost all the news headline stated something like “the beautiful president” in describing her and much of the article started with something like “people want to know her age, because she is so beautiful” or “A sexy president”. Her beauty was indeed something that of extraordinary; nevertheless, that is not something that one will use when describing Emmanuel Macron who was also present at the final match. They just appreciate him being there and being a very supportive President like President Grabar-Kitarović: only, without the sexist compliments.

Some people might think that I am overreacting: these things mean no harm to Madame President, or even a statement like “these are compliments and Madame President could benefit from all these publications.” Benefit from these kind of articles? Oh yeah, She could gain more popularity, which is in fact happen to her after World Cup. The thing unsettled me was the fact that these narratives are considered normal and how deep it would affect girls all over the world. It is okay to compliment someone, but it is not okay to spread message that beautiful face or sexiness are considered to be the most important factor in telling a story about a woman. Reactions from people all around the world to this amazing display of affection from a President to her National Team show how wrong we are in measuring actions perform by Woman. This is not the right thing to do in appreciating a successful woman and objectifying, no matter how subtle, is #neverokay.

Now, about the winning team: France. They are the centre of all the attentions in the after party, since they are a perfect symbol of diversity. France National Football Team has non fewer than 15 athletes whom tied to Africa, and about two-thirds of the team members are descendants of immigrants – or even the immigrant themselves. (Source). The best Young player (not coincidentally also my husband’s favourite player) : Kylian Mbappe, is a moslem boy which parents originated from Africa and grew up in a suburb on the outskirt of Paris – Bondy (Source). Mbappe is a living proof of how amazing an immigrant could be, despite all the stereotypes and discriminating act they have received from many sides.

Immigration became the focus of many governments when they are addressing their national security measures. Immigrants often associated by people to bad things; moreover, almost all threats in many countries appraised to be brought by immigrants. We are such in a low state of trust that people need to remind each other often that there are many great immigrants and that many of the immigrants have bigger contribution then the natives in building their country. This is not something we should discussed after a World Cup match, but this is our reality recently: even a sport event could spark big discussion of humanity in the universe.

Between the objectifying of women and better immigration policy around the world, which one is more pressing matter at this moment? Yes, we could not prioritise one above another. It is equally terrifying to realise that we are living in a world where some people lose their privilege only by being born to this world. We are terrified of things that we have no knowledge of, and we treat someone that is different from us as an outsider and keep a primitive way in handling these differences: Us vs Them. We treat them different. We perceived their action and intention differently. Nothing good will come if we keep discriminating each other.

Discrimination is a sole problem of many trouble: discrimination against women, discrimination against immigrants, discrimination against anything that is different from “The biased-normal standard of our society”. Stereotype plays a big part in inducing the discrimination: therefore, we need to start talking to each other to excise society-embed stereotypes. We need to share a positive spin of this event so that the narrative will grow into something useful: understanding each other.

a Civilized Way to Disagree

If you are not in the same path with others in one thing, if what they did hurt you deep in the heart, even if it really is something beyond forgiven in your faith.. Please disagree in a civilized way.
For what my God taught me, hate the belief, not the believer. Condemn the actions, not the actor…
And yeah, everyone has their own choice and I am sure that whatever they choose to believe, they have done their cognitive process. Appreciate the difference and treasure the diversity. Let us make this world a better place.

…on Friend and Friendship

“Books! And cleverness! There are more important things – friendship and bravery”

– Hermione Granger

Every Potterhead like me must have been dreaming about having friends and friendship like what Harry had in his journey, but our reality is different from Harry’s reality because we are living in this boring muggle’s universe. Friendship is carved not just popped. Friends need to be made through one or more live-saving or truth-facing incidents.

We’ve been through many stages in our lives, still in one stage and will face many stages in the future. Every stages bring its own experience that sometime with an extended package, it introduce us to people that will stay in our heart and labeled as friend (some will labeled as best-friend-forever).

Since I am a huge fan of Erikson’s Psychosocial Development Theory, I will take his perspective on this post. According to Erikson, I am now in Early Adulthood Stage which crisis is intimacy vs isolation. Characteristics of this stage is we are able to reach out and connect with others and the favorable outcome is become intimate with someone and work toward career.

As an early adult, we are given the liberty of adult but also the responsibility. Our responsibility as an adult is not only for ourselves but also for the community. Society will push us to have a job, career, occupation, passion, or any other name of it. Beside having an income to support our lives, society will begin to push us to have a spouse or significant other, especially if you live in a country like mine where a woman is supposed to get married around 25yo.

According to what Erikson has said about this stage, someone need to acquire a sense of intimacy by accepting oneself and fusing one personality with others in order to accept others. It is the hard part of being an adult with many responsibilities. Sometime we tend to forget that we need someone or even a community to back us up when we are down. We are in a very productive age so we think that we need to pursue our dream as hard as we can even if we have to let many people disappointed at us in the process. As an adult, we are joining the world full of intrigues and hidden agendas, even ourselves had one or two. If we forget the basic principle of making friend and just building a relationship in a very manipulative way, we will have friends but we still won’t sense the intimacy.

Friendship is based on a mutual feeling. People will stick to someone who treasure their presence, because unrequited love is really tiring.

 

I really am not OKAY

Happy Mother’s day for all the mother in this world, whether alive or passed away..

but.. I won’t write about mother’s day…

I have been neglecting this blog for far too long, I wish I could make my work as an excuse, I wish I could say that I have nothing to write. Instead, I really have many things to write, and I did have a heavy workloads but I could still find time to write, if I want to…

I have been using my work as an escape from my own self, I put all my effort to pour my mind only for my work and I tend to work overtime to avoid having so much time to spend alone at home in the night. I tend to be somewhere else than on my bed in the early night.

Those things are my common feeling lately, but I haven’t aware of how much energy consumed by that habit, until today. I am a trained girl for physical activities, I used to be a Scout member and I have graduated from military-based training. It is for my own surprise that I almost faint twice in these two months (first in Sumpah Pemuda Ceremony and second in Hari Ibu Ceremony, today). When I fainted for the first time, I have my own excuse, because I am on a strict diet and haven’t had my breakfast that morning, but today, I have enough sleep, I eat normally yesterday but I still fainted this morning.

Then I realize what I’ve been through these couple months and since I always blame my self for everything I’ve been through and my believe that every thing happened according to our own mind, I got an insight about what is really happening to me and I have to admit that I’m depressed.

Being someone that has a psychology background, everyone seems to see me as someone that always jumped into ‘a psychological conclusion’, and they won’t believe me even if I have shown them symptoms that happened to me. They will say that I over analyze my self with my own knowledge, but they usually believe if I analyze their symptoms. Double standard, no?

Writing is my self-healing methods and I’ve been avoiding it far too long because every time I want to write something, my mind start to frightened me with exaggerating thoughts about one thing or another, especially about someone that I lose, feeling that I’ve missed because of that ‘losing thing’. I know why I’ve been in this situations yet I couldn’t make peace with my mind. I blame my self for what has happened despite everyone else see this as something beyond my control. I couldn’t exactly write the exact story here, i’m afraid that it will be worst if someone read it and get hurt because of it.

My mind is tricking me.

Someone is playing it.

I feel fine while I know that I’m not.

I got so tired yet I am full of energy at the same time.

..but yes, everyone seems to believe that I am FINE..

e595a3a660f3d3f62b1733465e5ae84ePic Source: http://www.pinterest.com/pin/424042121135846008/

Mumbling #6 – Social Media

Do you know that social media is a social thing, not your own private stuff? I almost can’t stop my self from laughing every time I hear or read a defensive sentence such as “this is my account, I can do whatever I want with it, if you all feel uncomfortable, feel free to unfriend/unfollow/unshare or that kind of words.” If you really think that your account is your private space, try to lock your account and just befriend someone close to you. Your choice to open your account means that you have agreed the social term and condition, the second you create your account. Everything that you’ve posted online, it went to all corner of this universe and EVERYONE can access it freely. BE RESPONSIBLE of all your post/status/photo/any kind of it for leaving our world a much better place to stay. I don’t suggest to fake your post, but if you post it, it means that you are ready for all the consequences that come with it. NEVER blame others if they don’t approve your posts, everyone has their own preferences, just like you. We have the same rights. Your account will never be only about you in this cyber world.

Watching Gravity

I always love watching movies. Any kind of movie (except animation, maybe). The last movie I saw was Gravity and it was amazing movie, no wonder it got many awards. Sandra Bullock did amazing job in that movie, although I keep admiring how George Clooney impressed me in only few scenes. Enough talking about the stars, let’s talk about dr. Jones, dr Ryan Jones (“What kind of a name is Ryan for a girl?” Said Matt).

dr Jones has one hell of personality. Thing that attracted me most is when I finally found out about her daughter. It explained how gloomy she was in the beginning, how hard she tried to keep her feeling for herself. I guessed her experience of losing someone trapped her in her own grief and she shut everyone out. This thing was the one that keep her from trying her best to go home, because she already lose the meaning of a “home”. The emotional state of this poor dr was really influenced by the grief she was holding. Easily panic at the beginning and kind of “calm down” after she finally “let go” of her daughter and Matt.

Her job as a scientist really helped her so much in surviving. How the hell is she gonna have an idea to use a fire extinguisher if she had no knowledge about “pressure”. How the hell is she gonna remember how to turn on Shenzhou if she wasn’t used to train her memory, she is a scientist for good sake. Although this movie has many flaws if compared to the real “space things”, the personality of dr Ryan is really fascinating.

A women, dedicating her life for her job after losing someone so important for her and then encounter a life changing events. She has learn how to “let go” in a hard way. One hell of a story, almost everyone can relate to it. It teaches us about hope, even when we think that we have lose all the second chances.

I also have learn my lesson in a hard way.

 

They love me, they love me not

Last week, we studied about personality in my classes and my students got very fascinated by Freud’s Defense Mechanism. I asked them to try to analyze their own personality with one of the Personality Theory as our weekly assignment and most of them analyzed their kind of defense mechanism.

There are many forms of defense mechanism, they are: denial (the refusal to face the threat); Repression (suppress the anxiety away from awareness); regression (return to a form of an earlier stage of development behaviors); Displacement (transfer impulses from unsuitable objects to socially acceptable objects); Sublimation (channeling impulses into more positive efforts); Reaction formation (expresses impulses in a 180 degrees different kind of attitudes); Projection (assuming other person is facing our own unacceptable impulses); Rationalization (self-deceiving justifications for unacceptable behaviors).

Many of my students confessed in their assignment that they commonly use rationalization to make peace with their unacceptable behaviors and I found that understandable because they are in a transition from teenagers to adults, you need many excuses to cope in this transitions.

The thing is, I also experience something that made me analyze my own defense mechanism. I really lost in grief these past days. I kinda thought that some people really hate me after all the things I’ve done for them. I felt like I’m crushed. I love them for real and I didn’t feel like my feeling is reciprocal. The unloved feeling has keep me from tight sleep and started to influence my health negatively. I feel that they avoiding me, they did something wrong to me but they act like I am the one to be blamed. I hate to be in this kind of situation where you know that this was not a healthy relationship but you can’t just quit because you really care about the person and after all the sacrifices, turned out that you meant nothing for them.

Sucked, no?

What make it more sucked is that those people act like everything is fine between us and their casual attitudes shock me. Am I looking into these whole things from a wrong view? That is the moment when I finally understand the situation. I suddenly feel like I am the most stupid person to over reacting in this situation. I figure out that this conflict only happen in my mind. I was fighting with my own perspective. I am projecting my disappointments to other people. I was disappointed at how they treated me like I was not their friends but I projected it as they disappointed at me and didn’t want me at their life anymore.

Yes. This whole time. I finally understand that I keep projecting my own feeling towards others.

I still have a feeling that all of my thoughts about this unhealthy relationships are true but right now I just want to think it as my own fear that has been projected. I prefer to think it this way because I am so used to find my own happiness, I don’t want to depend my feeling to others. If I thought this is only me, projecting my fear onto others, then it will be easier to fix these inner conflicts and keep it in me.

See guys? We’ve learn something together. I am just a knowledge tool that shares a book’s texts to you but all of you share a bit of your soul to me that really helps me to find my own self. I cannot thank you all enough for this life lessons.