September 2003

On the eve of 23rd September 2003,
just after dinner,
you were feeling unwell and need to lay down,
because of the cold and the ache in your head,
you were asking for massage,
because you could not feel your hands anymore,
you were asking for guidance to pray,
because you could not control half of your face.

On the eve of 23rd September 2003,
just after you say ‘Allah’,
you were unconscious,
on our way to the emergency room.

On the eve of 23rd September 2003,
just after you lost your consciousness,
you spent the night on the ICU,
with all the medical devices to keep your heart beating,
to keep your lung breathing.

On the eve of 23rd September 2003,
just after you went into the ICU,
you were visited by tons of your friends and colleagues,
to pray for you,
to cheer us for you.

then again,
Allah loves you more.
You were gone…
on 24th September 2003.

So long, Ma!
We love you..

Mother, how are you today?

Mother, how are you today?
Here is a note from your daughter.
With me everything is ok.
Mother, how are you today?

Mother, don’t worry, I’m fine.
Promise to see you this summer.
This time there will be no delay.
Mother, how are you today?

I found the man of my dreams.
Next time you will get to know him.
Many things happened while I was away.
Mother, how are you today?

So.. How are you today, Mom?

I could only sent you an Al-Fatihah and pray for you endlessly now..

But, let me tell you a story…
I am now a mother too, Mom.
You have a grandson that you could call ‘Zhaf’.

He is such an active teenage-baby and i love him more than I love myself sometime – especially when he is already fast asleep (I know you understand what I mean, rite?)

I am now a wife too, Mom.
You have a son-in-law that you could call ‘Ji’.

He is such an amazing human being that maybe you won’t understand why he agreed to marry me at the first place – especially because you really know how grumpy I could be sometime.

I am now a teacher too, Mom.
You are my aspiration.
You are my deep obsession.

You are my muse.

 

All in all.

I am fine, Mom.

More than fine : I am happy.

Just one thing to tell you,

I really miss you!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, MA..

Much kisses,

Adek

A day after the 29th November

Dear Ma,
This is a day after your supposedly 62nd birthday.

Do you have any idea how much I miss you?

I guess you have, since you are there in the ever after life, but also I guess it’s not matter to you anymore because the only things that will reach you from me are my prays and my good deeds.
Do you have any idea how much I need you now?

I have been married for almost 7 months now, Ma. I also have been pregnant for 4 months. I really want you to be here by my side through all this rollercoaster of life.
Do you have any idea how much I envy others?

They could be hold by their mother every time they want, yet they criticise theirs for any little clumsiness. They could talk to their mother all night long, any day they want, yet they protest for how much theirs are over protective.
Do you have any idea how much you’ve inspired me?

Your love for others, your love for sharing, your love for teaching, your love for your family, your love for many little things that won’t matter to others have aspired me to always fight for what I love and what I want in my life.
Do you have any idea how much you mean to me, Ma?

Not only after you’ve gone, but long before I could even speak, I know I love you and I adore you. I hope you know it too. I hope what I’ve done when you were still with me showed how much I wanted you to smile and always be happy.
I love you, Ma. Still love you. Will always love you

in the night like this… #np

try to read this while listening to mocca song “in the night like this” or “Hanya Satu” for more tears…

it’s been a while since my last post about my ma, not because i stop missing her, I will never have a second without missing her.

I miss her smile..

I miss her smell..

I miss her hug..

I miss her..

I just miss her so much..

this night, i read a tweet from a friend about “still want to be with ma and pa much longer”, I reply “envy” and he asked me whether I am not going back to my hometown this long weekend. It could be a casual question, but for me, it was just like a thunder was hitting my head, a lightning stroke… yeah, reality sucks… even if I came home this holiday, I just can’t be with ma and pa anymore.. 😦

I am so envy you people,,

enjoy every second you have to be with them, to take care of them, to make them proud..

for I only have my father, I am definitely will take care of him, even if some people doubt me, i do not need to proof it to you, evil people, I just need to proof it to my pa..

p.s I’m so  sorry,, please excuse me for this random post with no particular focus….

Have a peace and warm birthday there, ma!

23 September 2003, ba’da Magrib waktu setempat.

“Jangan pergi, Nak. Disini aja” ujar mama terbata-bata, lidahnya mulai kaku, mengikuti sebagian badannya yang sudah mati rasa dari beberapa saat yang lalu. Aku tetap memijat tangan mama walaupun ia sudah tak bisa merasakannya lagi, berharap pijatanku dapat membuat aliran darahnya lancar kembali dan separuh badannya tak mati rasa lagi.

“Ta cuma mau ganti baju bentar, ma. Boleh ya?” tanyaku. Mama menggeleng lemah, membuat aku semakin khawatir.

“Biar Tata ganti baju dulu, supaya kita bisa ke rumah sakit, ya?” tanya papa lembut. Akhirnya mama mengangguk lemah dan akupun segera berlari dan tak sampai 5 menit aku sudah kembali lagi ke kamar mama dengan pakaian lengkap bepergian, siap untuk ke rumah sakit.

“tok..tok..” Pintu kamar di ketok dan ketika aku buka, sudah berdiri Om Ikar, teman papa yang tadi beliau telpon untuk menemani kami ke rumah sakit, membawa mama langsung ke UGD, berharap kesembuhan segera untuk beliau.

Berdua papa dan Om Ikar mengangkat mama ke mobil. Om Ikar yang menyetir, papa memangku kepala mama dan aku kembali memijat kaki mama. Mama terlihat sudah tidak sanggup berkata-kata lagi, ia hanya mengikuti dzikir yang diajarkan papa.

“Allah…” itulah kata terakhir mama sebelum ia tak sadarkan diri, hingga kami tiba di UGD Rumah Sakit Awal Bros Pekanbaru, mama dipindah ke ICU, dan esoknya beliau menghembuskan nafas terakhirnya, 24 September 2003 10.15 WIB.

Mengenang Ibunda Tercinta

Asmidarti

29 November 1953 – 24 September 2003

Peluk dan cium dari anakmu,
yang akan selalu merindukan doa dan pelukmu…