Dear Zhaf #3

Hi there, Kiddo!

This is my annual letter for you, Zhaf – and I have managed to force my lazy fingers to finally write again. As always, I will begin with how much I love you and I know that you know it. This year will be difficult for us, since I have to left country for continuing my study and we will be separate for 6 months. Writing this is not only my way for ensuring my self that everything will be okay, that we will be okay, but also as a reminder for me that everything happen for a reason and I know that when you are old enough you will understand.

Enough about me, let us talk about you.

2019 marks your third birthday. You are a grown baby now! What a fun, yeaaa!

It is time for you to kick ball on the field every afternoon.
It is time for you to play cars any second you want to.
It is time for you to exercise you karate move to me every night before bed.
It is time for you to make me run after you, just because you love to see me catching my breath.
It is time for you to say no to something that you don’t feel like you want it.
It is time for you to recognize your feeling, choosing what make you happy instead of the one that bugs you.
It is time for you to watch Upin Ipin all you want in the weekend.
It is time for you to make your choice of who you want to have pillow talk with – Thanks for always choosing me over your Ayah 😆

However, dear…

This is also a time for you to understand that there is a whole bigger world out there that you need to figure out on your own.
This is also time for you to consider other’s feeling and to see something beyond your own world.

Do you sometime feel so overwhelm by all this stimulations around you? It is okay, dear. It is what world is made for, to overwhelm human. Just so a human could understand that a world is not only made for one person, but it is also for other human and other creatures.

Do you sometime feel so tired hearing me talk nonsense about kindness to other? It is okay, dear. It is why you are gifted with a mind to think and a heart to filter it. Soon enough, you will find all my nonsense are actually make sense and I believe that you can always spread kindness and love.

I believe in you, so you could believe in yourself.

Love you,
Bunda.

Dear Zhaf #2

The fourth of May has come again – faster than last year, would you believe it? 😀

Hi, Zhaf!

This one is for you, hopefully one day soon you will find it interesting enough to read in your spare time.

It has been a very long time for me not writing a post about you, maybe I should invest more time to humor you in the future, no? But seriously, many things happened!

I remember that I was starting to worry that you didn’t speak enough words when you were 18 months old, but then your cute little mouth couldn’t stop bubbling when you’ve turned 19 months. I do also remember how broke my heart was when you fell and need 2 stitches in your precious little forehead; nevertheless, you amazed me to see that you were holding yourself better than I did after the tragedy. Not long after that, you chose to wean yourself from breastfeeding –  oh boy, the pain in my heart was unimaginable.

Oh no. I need to stop talking about myself and my dramatic emotions. I want this post to be about you, Zhaf. This post has to speak to you and make you dizzy a little. 😆

Your smile! Yes! The smile of yours are precious and addictive. Everyone couldn’t get enough of that, especially when you are planning to do some mischief acts. Wonderful, yet foolish at the same time. I hope you’re not going to be a heart breaker someday.

Hmm.. That gave me an Idea.

Let’s talk about heart breaking, son.

I realize that this world is not turning into a direction that I like, but I know that you could always find something to fight for, something that make your life worth to live, and something that proof your existence is making this universe slightly more livable. No pressure there, buddy! Life is not only about sadness and desperation, it is also about love, laugh, and how to share the love and the laugh.

To Love.

Love has no boundaries. One day you will find your own way to love this universe and beyond. I wish that you could understand that Allah is the most merciful, thus human is blessed with it. Have mercy, my dear Son, so you could be grateful for all the things you’ve accomplished. Have mercy, not only for others but also for yourself – for you could not love others before you learn to love yourself. I wish that you could understand that Rasulullah is a kind person, thus you could learn to be humble and sincere like him. Be gentle, my dear Son, for this world is not only belong to our kind of people – any kind of people is also living this world (science and conscience told us that they are also human), so please treat them like you want to be treated (as human). And if you encounter something that you don’t like nor agree with; remember the most crucial thing that I always need to remind myself, too: condemn the action, not the actor. I know you will figure the meaning of this soon enough.

To Laugh.

Laugh is the best medicine in this world. One day you will find your own way to laugh with others – certainly not to laugh at others. Laugh is what your soul need after a long tiring journey. Laugh is what your mind need along your wonderful journey. Laugh is what your body need to start walking into the journey. If you remember how to laugh, you will remember how to respect others – especially the one that doesn’t respect you. Just remember : Laugh is contagious. 🙂

I think I’ve already take a lot of time from you with this one. Got to keep other words for other occasion so that you won’t be bored. You will never know how much I love you. ❤ u.

Happy Birthday, Zhaf!

Love,
Bunda.

Mother, how are you today?

Mother, how are you today?
Here is a note from your daughter.
With me everything is ok.
Mother, how are you today?

Mother, don’t worry, I’m fine.
Promise to see you this summer.
This time there will be no delay.
Mother, how are you today?

I found the man of my dreams.
Next time you will get to know him.
Many things happened while I was away.
Mother, how are you today?

So.. How are you today, Mom?

I could only sent you an Al-Fatihah and pray for you endlessly now..

But, let me tell you a story…
I am now a mother too, Mom.
You have a grandson that you could call ‘Zhaf’.

He is such an active teenage-baby and i love him more than I love myself sometime – especially when he is already fast asleep (I know you understand what I mean, rite?)

I am now a wife too, Mom.
You have a son-in-law that you could call ‘Ji’.

He is such an amazing human being that maybe you won’t understand why he agreed to marry me at the first place – especially because you really know how grumpy I could be sometime.

I am now a teacher too, Mom.
You are my aspiration.
You are my deep obsession.

You are my muse.

 

All in all.

I am fine, Mom.

More than fine : I am happy.

Just one thing to tell you,

I really miss you!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, MA..

Much kisses,

Adek

A day after the 29th November

Dear Ma,
This is a day after your supposedly 62nd birthday.

Do you have any idea how much I miss you?

I guess you have, since you are there in the ever after life, but also I guess it’s not matter to you anymore because the only things that will reach you from me are my prays and my good deeds.
Do you have any idea how much I need you now?

I have been married for almost 7 months now, Ma. I also have been pregnant for 4 months. I really want you to be here by my side through all this rollercoaster of life.
Do you have any idea how much I envy others?

They could be hold by their mother every time they want, yet they criticise theirs for any little clumsiness. They could talk to their mother all night long, any day they want, yet they protest for how much theirs are over protective.
Do you have any idea how much you’ve inspired me?

Your love for others, your love for sharing, your love for teaching, your love for your family, your love for many little things that won’t matter to others have aspired me to always fight for what I love and what I want in my life.
Do you have any idea how much you mean to me, Ma?

Not only after you’ve gone, but long before I could even speak, I know I love you and I adore you. I hope you know it too. I hope what I’ve done when you were still with me showed how much I wanted you to smile and always be happy.
I love you, Ma. Still love you. Will always love you

For my dear Kak @MeeZahra

“You may be as different as the sun and the moon, but the same blood flows through both your hearts. You need her, as she needs you…”

George R.R. Martin, A Game of Thrones

There is a girl,

born into one family,

a middle child,

the first girl in the family,

named Zelmidianti Adzel.

-/.-/-/.-

There is a girl,

build one little family,

married to a charming man,

a man of her dream,

and a daughter everybody loves.

-/.-/-/.-

There is a girl,

in a way to be a woman,

never realize that she is indeed a lady,

shining bright,

so radiant.

-/.-/-/.-

There is a woman,

loved

by everyone,

especially by me,

her naughty little sister.

-/.-/-/.-

There is a woman,

means everything to me,

more than my life,

more than my happiness.

-/.-/-/.-

Joy,

Blessed,

Wealth,

Everything good in this life,

Everything I could hope for,

I wish for it,

dearly for her.

-/.-/-/.-

I Love You,

my Sister,

always.

-/.-/-/.-

May Allah always loves you too.

from the deepest heart of @darkjasm

Happy little family

Happy little family

a Late Birthday post

I should have been posted this entry on January, 8th. I can’t make it back then, so I need to make another apology for this late post.

 

Happy Birthday!

You know how much i used to love you..

You know how much I still love you till now..

but you will never realize that I can’t stop loving you..

even when we start to grow apart..

I know that one day you will not remember me as your closest one..

I just want you to know that even at that time, I will love you..

until the very end..

.always.

Happy Birthday, my sweet little love!

Continue reading

a note from a bestfriend

Orang lain selalu datang dan pergi dalam hidup kita. Begitu juga halnya dengan segala sesuatu yang ada di muka bumi. Gak akan ada yang bertahan selamanya. Memang begitulah takdir yang sudah digariskan oleh-Nya. Semua berlalu, menghilang dan terlupakan seiring waktu. Gak bisa diperlambat, gak bisa dipercepat, apalagi dihentikan.

Apa yang kita alami di masa lalu, akan menjadi kenangan di masa kini dan menjadi pelajaran untuk masa depan. Biarlah menjadi memori indah yang selalu menghiasi ingatan kita. Tarik hikmah dari tiap serpihan takdir yang telah kita lewati. Itu akan jadi pengalaman berharga dari pada hanya menyesali diri.

Sedih memang kalo ingat segala hal yang ‘tidak sempat’ kita lakukan saat kita masih dikelilingi teman. Tapi bukan berarti kita boleh berputus asa, mari kita rajut lagi memori baru yang menyenangkan bersama apapun dan siapapun yang menemani kita menjalani setiap detik perputaran waktu.

a respond for this post

Courtesy of Ridho M. Dhani.

p.s Thank you for not asking anything and thank you for not laughing at me, at all.

🙂

a Love Letter for Mommy

dear Mom..

i wanted to write something nice for you, but I think I’ve lose my ability to write poetry these days. Many things have happened to me, Mom. Many things.

People said that if you need to be calm down, come to your mommy and you’ll feel safe.

I wanted to tell you stories, about my happiness, my sadness, my dreams, my broken heart, my obsession, my twisted mind, my bizarre points of views. I wanted to tell you everything about my life. everything.

People said that your mommy will appreciate your story, even if your story isn’t worth to hear after all.

I wanted to show you how much I love you, how much your love means to me, how much my fear for losing you, how much I need your support, or just how much I miss you.

People said that you need to acknowledge your parents how much you love them before it’s too late to tell them.

Do you remember how I appreciate your cooking, How I love weekend when you made something for us just to make us wanted to be at home all the time?

Do you remember how excited we were when we watched daddy played Tennis, how we yell, dance and eat after that?

Do you remember how worried we are when we hear that my sister fall from the stair?

Do you remember how i sneaked to your bed late at night when i couldn’t sleep because of the stomachache and you need to rub my back all night just to calm me?

I do remember those, Mom. I will always remember those memories for those are the only things I could done when I really want to hug you.

I Miss You and I love You.

Happy birthday, Mom. even you’ve stopped aging since 2003.

Happy birthday, Ma.

Love,

darkjasm

H.A.T.i

Once upon a time, there are four youngsters tied by one thing called friendship, met in one activity called Scouting, and in a setting called High School

One called Koemp, as an informal leader of the team, always being a volunteer to done anything for the team. He’s an H in H.A.T.i

One called Cintauw, the most quiet person of the team, smart boy but quite a don juan 😀 can’t judge what he’s thinking just by looking at his face for he has a flat no expression face. Yes, he’s an A in H.A.T.i

One called Honey, the energetic girl of the team, provide her house as a headquarter, letting the boy hang in there till midnight, while she was having her beauty sleep. She’s a T in H.A.T.i

The last one called Xaiank, the junior in the team. The real scout member of the team. Calm girl with an evil grin and creative mind. wonder why the i in H.A.T.i is the only non capitalized letter? yes, she’s i, just i being i

Best friends. That is what they call themselves. even they are not seeing each other often nowadays, but they know deep in their hearts that they always have each other.

This post is supposed to be posted in november 9 or november 10, for Koemp is having his wedding on that day, but forgive me for my weak mind, i can’t make it back then.

Happy wedding dear Koemp

We’re so sorry we couldn’t be there, but you know that our spirit is there, our prayer was with you that day and will always for you till then.

We love you Koemp, we know you know!

Happy Wedding

for

Hendri Efendi

&

Siti Rofi’ah

here are for you both!

the newly wed couple

we know koemp, we know how you love pink so much! we just know… *smirk*

happy.. happy.. forever in blessings!

p.s nanti kalo kami ngumpul di Pekanbaru,
kenalin ya koemp,
kami janji gak bakal malu-maluin koq..
*kalo ingat ya.. haha

Ciao,

darkjasm