On the eve of 23rd September 2003,
just after dinner,
you were feeling unwell and need to lay down,
because of the cold and the ache in your head,
you were asking for massage,
because you could not feel your hands anymore,
you were asking for guidance to pray,
because you could not control half of your face.
On the eve of 23rd September 2003,
just after you say ‘Allah’,
you were unconscious,
on our way to the emergency room.
On the eve of 23rd September 2003,
just after you lost your consciousness,
you spent the night on the ICU,
with all the medical devices to keep your heart beating,
to keep your lung breathing.
On the eve of 23rd September 2003,
just after you went into the ICU,
you were visited by tons of your friends and colleagues,
to pray for you,
to cheer us for you.
then again,
Allah loves you more.
You were gone…
on 24th September 2003.
The fourth of May has come again – faster than last year, would you believe it? 😀
Hi, Zhaf!
This one is for you, hopefully one day soon you will find it interesting enough to read in your spare time.
It has been a very long time for me not writing a post about you, maybe I should invest more time to humor you in the future, no? But seriously, many things happened!
I remember that I was starting to worry that you didn’t speak enough words when you were 18 months old, but then your cute little mouth couldn’t stop bubbling when you’ve turned 19 months. I do also remember how broke my heart was when you fell and need 2 stitches in your precious little forehead; nevertheless, you amazed me to see that you were holding yourself better than I did after the tragedy. Not long after that, you chose to wean yourself from breastfeeding – oh boy, the pain in my heart was unimaginable.
Oh no. I need to stop talking about myself and my dramatic emotions. I want this post to be about you, Zhaf. This post has to speak to you and make you dizzy a little. 😆
Your smile! Yes! The smile of yours are precious and addictive. Everyone couldn’t get enough of that, especially when you are planning to do some mischief acts. Wonderful, yet foolish at the same time. I hope you’re not going to be a heart breaker someday.
Hmm.. That gave me an Idea.
Let’s talk about heart breaking, son.
I realize that this world is not turning into a direction that I like, but I know that you could always find something to fight for, something that make your life worth to live, and something that proof your existence is making this universe slightly more livable. No pressure there, buddy! Life is not only about sadness and desperation, it is also about love, laugh, and how to share the love and the laugh.
To Love.
Love has no boundaries. One day you will find your own way to love this universe and beyond. I wish that you could understand that Allah is the most merciful, thus human is blessed with it. Have mercy, my dear Son, so you could be grateful for all the things you’ve accomplished. Have mercy, not only for others but also for yourself – for you could not love others before you learn to love yourself. I wish that you could understand that Rasulullah is a kind person, thus you could learn to be humble and sincere like him. Be gentle, my dear Son, for this world is not only belong to our kind of people – any kind of people is also living this world (science and conscience told us that they are also human), so please treat them like you want to be treated (as human). And if you encounter something that you don’t like nor agree with; remember the most crucial thing that I always need to remind myself, too: condemn the action, not the actor. I know you will figure the meaning of this soon enough.
To Laugh.
Laugh is the best medicine in this world. One day you will find your own way to laugh with others – certainly not to laugh at others. Laugh is what your soul need after a long tiring journey. Laugh is what your mind need along your wonderful journey. Laugh is what your body need to start walking into the journey. If you remember how to laugh, you will remember how to respect others – especially the one that doesn’t respect you. Just remember : Laugh is contagious. 🙂
I think I’ve already take a lot of time from you with this one. Got to keep other words for other occasion so that you won’t be bored. You will never know how much I love you. ❤ u.
No, you don’t know my struggle.
No, you don’t fight my war.
No, you don’t hear my fear.
No, you don’t see my nightmares.
.
But
Yes, I don’t know your struggle either.
Yes, I don’t fight in your war either.
Yes, I don’t hear your fear either.
Yes, I don’t see your nightmares either.
.
.
You and me,
We have our own struggle,
our own war,
our own fear,
our own nightmares..
.
.
But
You and me,
We share this life,
We share this world,
We share this stage.
.
Let’s not be harsh to each other,
Let’s not be rude to another,
Let’s not be a judge to the other.
.
❤️❤️❤️
Ever since my mind full of wedding plan, the honeymoon plan is also included. I always wanted to spend the honeymoon in a room with private pool because I really want to swim without my long full coverage swimsuit (still not naked, sorry 😆 ).
Since I am a full time procrastinator, my research for possible honeymoon destination is begun in the end of April while I have to leave for my hometown in early may. 😀
The first destination ever crossed my mind was Bintan Island, as it is not too far from Pekanbaru and not too crowded. My dream destination turned out to be out of my league because the resorts are too expensive and I am not feeling comfortable to spend too much money in the first week of our marriage (assuming I have enough money to afford it, which is absolutely not!). Then my attention shifted to the most common destination for honeymoon.. yes! BALI ISLAND. In my mind, there must be a not so expensive luxury villa within my budget somewhere in Bali – since Bali is full of any kind of resorts for any kind of people (also, my fiance had never been to Bali 😀 ). So the hunting began from a deal website which is one of my favorite past time shopping… I found many kind of hotels and villas which offering private pool: researching each one of them by reading review from tripadvisor and other similar websites, also from personal blogs. Almost frustrated by the options – none of it made my heart clicked – a day before my flight to Pekanbaru, I somehow stumbled upon a luxury villa offering flash sale with galleries that I love: The Flamingo Dewata Villa, a luxury private villas in Uluwatu.
Feeling slightly sure and a little obsessed with my choice, I reserved the room via their website and I asked my soon-to-be-husband to call the villa and maybe talk them to give us more benefits. 😀 The phone call was a short one because the receptionist can not guarantee anything and gave us their operational manager’s phone number for us to call. Lucky for us, the in charge person (his name is Mr. Rudi, if I’m not mistaken) was so friendly and very cooperative with our many demands. We were then secured our flight tickets and settled for 4 nights in Bali + 1 night in Bandung for our honeymoon plan.
Conversation about honeymoon and the villa deal were out of my mind in the next week, since I have to face wedding preparation and the wedding ceremony itself. After our Big Day is over, we were back to the honeymoon business and it was only 3 days before our departure to Bali. My husband called the villa again to fix our reservation and compliments : we scored some compliments!
On May 19, we board the plane in the morning to Soekarno Hatta and arrived there before noon. We had to move terminal, since we were arrived in Terminal 1B and our next flight will be from Terminal 3. We finally touched down in Ngurah Rai International Airport at 3.30 pm local time. Picked up by Mr. Rudi himself because he was nearby. We have a pleasant journey to the villa in Pecatu Area : Mr. Rudi told us many things about Bali, its people and its attractions.
Around 5 pm, we finally arrived in the Villa. The check in time is not too long, maybe because we look kinda tired (which newly wed won’t look tired, eh?) and off we went to our room by golf car.
The room was beyond my expectation. I immediately fall in love! We got the room number 3, with large private pool, pool lounge, outdoor kitchenette with complete cuttlery and a microwave plus Fresh fruits (another compliment). Spacious bedroom with king size bed and comfy living room. What I liked the most was the bathroom : it has a bath-up, a shower and large dresser. 😆
For Our first night in Bali, we choose not to go anywhere and just check out our surrounding for simple dinner. The villa was so serene that even the road in front of it felt magical. We had to walk around 10 minutes to reach the nearest “warung” (local convenient shop) to buy some snacks and we finally settled with “pecel lele” (spicy-fried catfish) as our dinner. The dinner turned out to be very tasty and not disappointed at all. After dinner, we called our friend to ask about car rental : we rented a Karimun with cheapest price from Pak made.
We started rather early the next morning because I really wanted my husband to see many places in Bali – since it was his first visit, I had to make good impression so that he will definitely go back to Bali 😆
There were two options for breakfast, either we want to have it in the restaurant or in our own room. For the first day, we chose the first option and turned out that our choice was right because the restaurant is so beautiful and decorated as dreamy as possible : I felt like I was a princess, having breakfast in a white-flowery castle. 😀 For the menu, unfortunately they only offer limited menu list that we had to choose the night before.
It was after midnight when we back to our room, so we chose to have a lazy morning and just enjoyed the private pool. We asked for our breakfast to be delivered to our room.
Private breakfast by the pool
Another compliment that we scored was private dinner served in our room. My husband secretly ordered steak as the menu : Steak will always be my favorite! We chose the dinner to celebrate our last night in Bali, and it did be a wonderful closure of our honeymoon in Bali tale. The peace breeze, the relaxing moment made that night so intimate for both of us. Those memories will surely linger forever and give me a longing feeling.
Just before the dinner, I got a surprise visit from my university friends whom lived in Bali. They brought their cute daughter all the way from Denpasar to Pecatu and I just instantly fell in love to her.
The Flamingo Dewata Villa really exceed our expectations and I really would like to recommend this villa if you want to be somewhere serene and treasure private moments with your beloved people. I love the vibe… Just thinking about that time gives me chill now. I really want to go back there and rerun the honeymoon! 😆
Dear Ma,
This is a day after your supposedly 62nd birthday.
Do you have any idea how much I miss you?
I guess you have, since you are there in the ever after life, but also I guess it’s not matter to you anymore because the only things that will reach you from me are my prays and my good deeds.
Do you have any idea how much I need you now?
I have been married for almost 7 months now, Ma. I also have been pregnant for 4 months. I really want you to be here by my side through all this rollercoaster of life.
Do you have any idea how much I envy others?
They could be hold by their mother every time they want, yet they criticise theirs for any little clumsiness. They could talk to their mother all night long, any day they want, yet they protest for how much theirs are over protective.
Do you have any idea how much you’ve inspired me?
Your love for others, your love for sharing, your love for teaching, your love for your family, your love for many little things that won’t matter to others have aspired me to always fight for what I love and what I want in my life.
Do you have any idea how much you mean to me, Ma?
Not only after you’ve gone, but long before I could even speak, I know I love you and I adore you. I hope you know it too. I hope what I’ve done when you were still with me showed how much I wanted you to smile and always be happy.
I love you, Ma. Still love you. Will always love you
Have you feel loved?
Have you feel special?
Have you feel neglected?
Have you feel disappointed?
Yes. I Know you have. We are all have experienced those feeling.
If you are now in a relationship, do you really feel happy about what your spouse does for you? Are you really satisfied with your relationship?
I am telling you that everything you feel is coming from your own mind.
If your mind tells you to be happy, whatever your spouse has done, even that he/she isn’t live up to your expectation, you will still feel that your spouse is the perfect one for you.
If your mind gives you an itchy day, flowers or kisses from your spouse will never enough to make your day, whatever he/she has done is just gonna make you feel left out.
You see what your mind show to you.
You feel what your mind sense for you.
Your world is really in your own mind.
Alhamdulillah libur lumayan panjang di Natal kemarin akhirnya saya bisa pulang ke Pekanbaru, kangen banged sama Propesor a.k.a Zhaza The Niece. 🙂 Awalnya saya udah pasrah sih gak bisa pulang karena hasil pantauan tiket menunjukkan harga yang melangit, tapi karena keteguhan dan kebulatan tekad akhirnya dapat tiket lumayan murah, tapi ya ke Pekanbarunya hari sabtu balik Jakartanya hari selasa penerbangan paling malam, tapi gapapa deh, yang penting puuulaaaanggg.. 😀
Bangun pagi di hari sabtu memang penuh tantangan tapi berhasil dilalui dan sampai di Soetta dengan selamat. Selesai Check in keluar lagi buat sarapan dulu, eh pas masuk lagi ternyata udah final call. Lari-lari pake boot tinggi memang tidak disarankan, tapi lebih baik daripada ketinggalan pesawatkan? hehehe
Orang lain selalu datang dan pergi dalam hidup kita. Begitu juga halnya dengan segala sesuatu yang ada di muka bumi. Gak akan ada yang bertahan selamanya. Memang begitulah takdir yang sudah digariskan oleh-Nya. Semua berlalu, menghilang dan terlupakan seiring waktu. Gak bisa diperlambat, gak bisa dipercepat, apalagi dihentikan.
Apa yang kita alami di masa lalu, akan menjadi kenangan di masa kini dan menjadi pelajaran untuk masa depan. Biarlah menjadi memori indah yang selalu menghiasi ingatan kita. Tarik hikmah dari tiap serpihan takdir yang telah kita lewati. Itu akan jadi pengalaman berharga dari pada hanya menyesali diri.
Sedih memang kalo ingat segala hal yang ‘tidak sempat’ kita lakukan saat kita masih dikelilingi teman. Tapi bukan berarti kita boleh berputus asa, mari kita rajut lagi memori baru yang menyenangkan bersama apapun dan siapapun yang menemani kita menjalani setiap detik perputaran waktu.
The DarkJasmine 