This is my annual letter for you, Zhaf – and I have managed to force my lazy fingers to finally write again. As always, I will begin with how much I love you and I know that you know it. This year will be difficult for us, since I have to left country for continuing my study and we will be separate for 6 months. Writing this is not only my way for ensuring my self that everything will be okay, that we will be okay, but also as a reminder for me that everything happen for a reason and I know that when you are old enough you will understand.

Enough about me, let us talk about you.

2019 marks your third birthday. You are a grown baby now! What a fun, yeaaa!

It is time for you to kick ball on the field every afternoon.
It is time for you to play cars any second you want to.
It is time for you to exercise you karate move to me every night before bed.
It is time for you to make me run after you, just because you love to see me catching my breath.
It is time for you to say no to something that you don’t feel like you want it.
It is time for you to recognize your feeling, choosing what make you happy instead of the one that bugs you.
It is time for you to watch Upin Ipin all you want in the weekend.
It is time for you to make your choice of who you want to have pillow talk with – Thanks for always choosing me over your Ayah 😆

However, dear…

This is also a time for you to understand that there is a whole bigger world out there that you need to figure out on your own.
This is also time for you to consider other’s feeling and to see something beyond your own world.

Do you sometime feel so overwhelm by all this stimulations around you? It is okay, dear. It is what world is made for, to overwhelm human. Just so a human could understand that a world is not only made for one person, but it is also for other human and other creatures.

Do you sometime feel so tired hearing me talk nonsense about kindness to other? It is okay, dear. It is why you are gifted with a mind to think and a heart to filter it. Soon enough, you will find all my nonsense are actually make sense and I believe that you can always spread kindness and love.

I believe in you, so you could believe in yourself.

Love you,
Bunda.

Dear Zhaf #2

The fourth of May has come again – faster than last year, would you believe it? 😀

Hi, Zhaf!

This one is for you, hopefully one day soon you will find it interesting enough to read in your spare time.

It has been a very long time for me not writing a post about you, maybe I should invest more time to humor you in the future, no? But seriously, many things happened!

I remember that I was starting to worry that you didn’t speak enough words when you were 18 months old, but then your cute little mouth couldn’t stop bubbling when you’ve turned 19 months. I do also remember how broke my heart was when you fell and need 2 stitches in your precious little forehead; nevertheless, you amazed me to see that you were holding yourself better than I did after the tragedy. Not long after that, you chose to wean yourself from breastfeeding – oh boy, the pain in my heart was unimaginable.

Oh no. I need to stop talking about myself and my dramatic emotions. I want this post to be about you, Zhaf. This post has to speak to you and make you dizzy a little. 😆

Your smile! Yes! The smile of yours are precious and addictive. Everyone couldn’t get enough of that, especially when you are planning to do some mischief acts. Wonderful, yet foolish at the same time. I hope you’re not going to be a heart breaker someday.

Hmm.. That gave me an Idea.

Let’s talk about heart breaking, son.

I realize that this world is not turning into a direction that I like, but I know that you could always find something to fight for, something that make your life worth to live, and something that proof your existence is making this universe slightly more livable. No pressure there, buddy! Life is not only about sadness and desperation, it is also about love, laugh, and how to share the love and the laugh.

To Love.

Love has no boundaries. One day you will find your own way to love this universe and beyond. I wish that you could understand that Allah is the most merciful, thus human is blessed with it. Have mercy, my dear Son, so you could be grateful for all the things you’ve accomplished. Have mercy, not only for others but also for yourself – for you could not love others before you learn to love yourself. I wish that you could understand that Rasulullah is a kind person, thus you could learn to be humble and sincere like him. Be gentle, my dear Son, for this world is not only belong to our kind of people – any kind of people is also living this world (science and conscience told us that they are also human), so please treat them like you want to be treated (as human). And if you encounter something that you don’t like nor agree with; remember the most crucial thing that I always need to remind myself, too: condemn the action, not the actor. I know you will figure the meaning of this soon enough.

To Laugh.

Laugh is the best medicine in this world. One day you will find your own way to laugh with others – certainly not to laugh at others. Laugh is what your soul need after a long tiring journey. Laugh is what your mind need along your wonderful journey. Laugh is what your body need to start walking into the journey. If you remember how to laugh, you will remember how to respect others – especially the one that doesn’t respect you. Just remember : Laugh is contagious. 🙂

I think I’ve already take a lot of time from you with this one. Got to keep other words for other occasion so that you won’t be bored. You will never know how much I love you. ❤ u.

Happy Birthday, Zhaf!

Love,

Bunda.

Dear Zhaf

Hello, little one!

This is your mom. We have been bonding just a little over a year. Yes. It is 3 weeks after your first birthday and I’m kind of feeling nostalgic that I need to write you this.

May is my magical month, dear. Because I got married to your father in May, 2 years ago – to be honest, we were officially a couple 7 years ago, also in May. And then Allah revealed His plan to bring you into this world on the fourth of May. (Oh yeah, May the Fourth be with you, Zhaf!)

“How do I get born, Mom?” You may one day ask this question.

O, sweetheart.. let me tell you a story about how you were born. You were supposed to be born on May 2nd, but you decide to stay a bit longer inside my tummy. The doctor said that you need a little push so I got Induced. Three times, dear. I keep my positive thinking that maybe you need more time, that somehow you will find your way out minutes later. After the third induction, you decide to make a move…but you are a little too active that you made my water broke and doctor told me that I have to be cut open in the operation room soon. That was 4 in the afternoon and it broke my defense – i cried a river. I have to accept that I am not destined to experience normal labour, yet. 7 pm, they performed the SC surgery and you were brought into this world 20 minutes later.

All the sadness is gone. I trully feel like I have been waste my tears for something so shallow. I trully understand that whatever the procedure was, the most important thing is the baby’s health. The second I look into your eyes, I know that I’ve been through enough struggle to give a damn about how other will judge me because I choose this way to gave birth.

We were doing the Early Initiation of breastfeeding when your father finally joined us in the operation room. He loves you from that moment on, Son. I can tell you that, even I was half conscious due to the anesthetic. The initiation was a success, you did a great job there, Zhaf! Then they measured you: 3300 grams and 49 cm. Welcome to the world!

Do you like this story, dear? I have many stories for you. Would you like to hear it?

Ah, it’s already late at night, I will continue it some other time. You are fast asleep beside me now and I’d like to enjoy your peaceful face.

I love you, dear Zhaf…

With lots of love,
Bunda

Staying Connected

How is life after baby? FABULOUS!

(if you scrap the zombie-sleepless night, cranky-post partum depression syndromes, a LOT of tears, and many other dramas of a new mom), but still, who want the true answer to a cliche question?

I could go on and on about my ugly truths of first days after Zhas was born, but I am saving that story for another post. This one is a post about how to keep my marriage sane after such a big change: Zhaf.

Me and my husband are an employer, that means we don’t have the luxury of being at home all day. Leaving our home around 6 a.m every weekday and if we are lucky, we could be at home again around 6 p.m – but mostly, we arrive home around 7/8 p.m. Zhaf is our main focus whenever we are at home: playing, biting, laughing, and of course cuddling. To say the truth, our romantic moments become very rare.

So, how can we make through our critical time as husband and wife? Talk. Talking is our main connection right now. Luckily, our office are near to each other that enable us to travel together every morning and sometime also in the afternoon.We would savor the precious journey and make it our moment to kindle the flame. We would share what’s happening in our daily life while in the office or simply sharing any story that cross our mind. I love these moments. It is our way to keep the bond.

Other than talking, thanks to our new gigantic internet package from a certain postpaid provider, we have a new routine: watching romantic movies or funny TV Show. Sometime, we would take silly snaps in the middle of the infamous Jakarta’s Traffic jam. Openness, laughs, and silliness are our charms.

That is our way, what is yours?

2016 in a recap

It is that time of the year again, where everyone is posting their #bestnine in Instagram.. and here I am, pretending that I haven’t been neglecting this blog for a whole year. 😀

So, how’s life?

2016 is magical year! at least for me..

I have a SON. Whew! I can’t believe it either, but I am living it.

Born in early May, by Caesarean Section in Kemang Medical Care Women and Children Hospital.. Let’s just call him “Baby Z”

Being a mother for Baby Z is my highlight of the year.

hmm.. This long hiatus from writing really damage the quality of my post. It’s hard just to find the right word to write. :sigh:

Other than blessed with Z, 2016 also the year full of surprise for me. Being with many kind people is also another blessing for me. From my babymoon, promotion in work, to lectured a great class. Do expect many throwback post in 2017.

Despite this #Zika, #Brexit, #Trump and many other weird things in 2016, it has been great for me.

Magical May

..pardon me for this very late update about my magical may.

This last 15.05.15, I finally got MARRIED!

*tears overload*

For many people who follow our journey from the beginning, they will understand how long and bumpy our road to marriage, but I will only cherish the happiness about this amazing month in my life.

We were celebrating two cultures in our wedding ceremony. Our series of events started with “Malam Berinai” (a malay tradition to apply henna to the bride and the groom) which held in the night before our “Aqad nikah” (Islamic Wedding Vow). The day after the Aqad, we held our first wedding reception in malay culture with malay music and wedding dress. This first reception was held in Pekanbaru, Riau Province in 16.05.15. I finally succeed pouring my love of black and white as my wedding theme, with a little grey here and there.

Three days after the first reception, me and my husband went to Bali for our honeymoon.. (I will dedicate another post about it)

At may 30, we held our second wedding reception in Depok, West Java (my husband’s hometown), this time celebrating Sundanese Culture.

I am so grateful for our magical may, for everyone that help us through ups and downs, for everything magical which has happened and of course for the Gracious of our Lord, Allah SWT. Alhamdulillah.

Here are some remarks from my magical may, may the happiness also be yours!

14.05.15

“Malam Berinai“

15.05.15

“Aqad Nikah“

16.05.15

The Wedding Reception

Venue: Bhayangkara Building, Pekanbaru, Riau Province, Indonesia

30.05.15

The Second Wedding Reception

Venue: Balairung Budi Utomo, Bumi Wiyata Hotel, Depok, West Java, Indonesia

Love,

daRkJasm and Panjirocks

Category Archives: ..as a Wife and a Mom

Dear you..

Dear Zhaf #3