It’s been a while since my last post. I could’ve said that i was kinda busy at the moment, even it’s the truth, i wouldn’t make it an excuse for my laziness to write something here, even just a “HI” or any kind of “Happy blablabla”. Yes, my bad, I’m sorry.
I was thinking, in a long time that i was losing my appetite to write, i’ve lost my passion, but when i talk to my self, i know that it’s not true. Writing is always my best escape route. For some moment, i was questioning my purpose in writing, in posting my mind to this personal paradise of mine, it is my own ego or it is my stupidity? since clearly there aren’t anyone really into reading this blog. Those questions keep wandering in my mind, haunting me like a nightmare and make me afraid, very afraid to start writing again and my mind become so messy and dusty. I feel like I’ve lost sight of my life, i’ve lost my self. It is when I finally conclude that I write for my self, as my own therapy to help me become me, to keep my self from being somebody else that I am not. Yes, i write for my self, not to entertain anyone, but I will still be so pleased if someone read my pieces.
All this time of “hibernating”, I learnt something about my self that i keep denying it all this time. I’m lacking of self-motivation. I believe that I could motivate others, especially somebody who close to me, but I always deny the fact that i can’t motivate my self enough to really care about my dream, i keep questioning my own passion, my own strength that even others can see it in me. Yes, what a pity!
Ah, I think I have to apply my advices to my self and this time, I have to be really strict to my priorities, focus on my dreams and trust my self, stop depending to others and stop procrastinating! Yes, I have to write it here for reminding me that i have promises to fulfill.