I Write, because..

I never know that writing need a cause. I simply love to write.

Since my childhood time, I write about anything. Like any little girl, I owned a diary filled with my emotions. I was a pretty dark girl: stormy mood, full of anger and shyness, not a good combination. My diary was full with stories about how I mad at someone or how something depressed me – any negative emotion, really. Channeling my negative emotions through diary was succeed in making me calm, so anybody back then knew me as an ordinary smiley girl.

I remember one day, I had enough of my self: I climbed a tree and burned my diary. That day was the last day I have a diary about my hatred. I moved on and started to write fiction – mostly about falling in love, maybe my teenager hormones finally got to me and love was all over my mind. I’ve made a new diary that full of my feeling – this time, a positive one, the lovey dovey of my teenager time.

Accepted in a University far away from home, I found a new world and a new channel to express my thought. Mixed feeling and structured mind are now my best friend, while shyness was still my biggest draw back. As a psychology student, public speaking should have been easy because it is a mandatory thing for us, but I was struggling to master it. Blog was my practice field. I tried to build an alter ego as a nice and speak-up girl. My blog was my paradise.

And now, after all this time, blog is still a big part of my life. I write because I want to save memories. I want to be able to trace my past, not just about where I have been or who I have met, but also how I have improved throughout these years. I write because I need to proof my existence. I write therefore I am.

Before 2017

Like usual, as a challenge for my self to blog more, I sign up to a writing challenge/course. Since the Blogging U now has the on demand program, It is more convenient for me. I already signed up to some course, so there will be many thematic posts coming in the future.

I want to set my mind right in the blogging vibe for this upcoming years, just to discipline my self. Juggling in motherhood, full time employee and part time lecturer : I know it won’t be easy. At least I want to try.

So, for the day one task of Branding and Growth,these are 3 concrete goals for my blog in 2017:

  • I blog for telling stories about my life, or about my thought and I really want to post at least one post a week.
  • Once a month, I need to publish an article about Psychological phenomena. *I should have been doing it years ago 😦
  • Starting January of 2017, I will make a theme for each day.
    • Monday : #Travelmonday
    • Tuesday : #Poetrytuesday
    • Wednesday : #Weddnesday
    • Thursday : #Throwbackthursday
    • Friday : #Freeday
    • Weekend : Playtime with Baby Z

Will this goal set through 2017? Let’s see..

“dream high, baby.. but never dream when you’re high..” -@daRkJasm

About losing someone

Today’s Prompt: Write about a loss: something (or someone) that was part of your life, and isn’t any more. Make today’s post the first in a three-post series.


I was crying so hard when my sister joins me in our tiny living room.

“What happened? Why are you crying so hard that your nose is red as a tomato?” She asks me gently, trying to amuse me as well.

“Nothing, I am okay.” I stop crying and wipe the tears from my face.

“You look everything but okay. C’mon, you know you can trust me with anything. I won’t judge you, I promise.”

“I was crying because Fred passed away…” I say, trying to keep calm but failed : I start to sob again.

“Oh.. I am so sorry. Fred from your history class? The one that used to drive you home from school? What happened to him?” She looks shocked by my answer. I keep sobbing and give her no answer – we sit there in silence for a minute or so, until she finally breaks it and says “Sorry Dear, I guess I ask too many questions. I’ll leave you alone if you want to, just don’t be sad too long – Fred wouldn’t approve if you drowned in sadness. I’m sure he wants you to smile honoring his memories.” She is about to leave me alone when I finally answer her.

“No.. It’s not that Fred. It is Fred Weasley… He killed in an explosion in Hogwarts.”

“Wait, WHAT?”

To be continued…

 

p.s. The credit of this post’ featured image goes to this amazing artist!

It is an edited version.

The Forever Songs in My Life

Do I really need to explain this?

Every one loves Harry Potter! (Okay, it is an overgeneralizing, but I refuse to believe that there is a person out there who hates Harry) 😀

Just by hearing this melody could bring all the great memories of our adventure with the Boy Who Lived.

I was in my second grade of Junior High School when my friend introduced me to Harry Potter – The series already reached the third book if I’m not mistaken. Almost 15 years passed since that life changing moment. I am all grown up now but every time I hear this song, I feel like I am back to the safety of my mom’s warm embrace.

Today’s prompt of writing 101 is to write about three most important songs in my life. When I read that prompt this morning, my head suddenly full of this original score of Harry Potter. While I already made up my mind about the first song, I still have to choose the other two and it’s really painful that i found it was such a hard task for me. *sigh*

At the end of the day, I don’t have to dig my memory and find the perfect two songs for this post – they come to my mind in their own way! I was browsing and reading my old post when I stumble upon a post (Sorry, I won’t put a link because the post is full of hatred – my old self was a grumpy little lady). The post remind me of a song that used to be a soundtrack to lighten my mood. The song is In The End by Linkin Park.

Do you know what is my favorite part of this song? The iconic melody at the beginning!

Linkin Park had succeed in making me believe they understand what I feel : I tried so hard and got so far, but in the end it doesn’t even matter. Exactly, nothing matters.

The third song – or like every body else love to say – the last but not the least, is a song from my home country. The singer is my long time favorite singer from my generation. Sherina Munaf. She is a very talented singer who can play many musical instruments : piano is my favorite!

Sebelum Selamanya, literally translated as “before forever” is my own soundtrack for my big event next month.

Couples have to remember the first time they fall in love before promising each other a “forever”.

Feels like Home

“Home is a name, a word, it is a strong one; stronger than magician ever spoke, or spirit ever answered to, in the strongest conjuration.” – Charles Dickens

 

My nostrils are dancing happily because of this sweet smell: the smell of a hot cup of coffee blend with cinnamon. I really love to taste the bitterness from that cup so I look around to find the source. The smell is coming from a house in the left corner of the street at where i stand now, which looks so familiar to me. The house is a two story house painted grey with a black fence and someone has left the front door ajar – probably the reason why I could smell the coffee.

The strangely familiar feeling inside me pushes me toward the house. Now I am standing so close with the house and realize its front yard is full of blooming jasmines and black roses, the gate also left ajar and I can see the path lead to the front door. My feet keep taking steps drawing my body closer to knock on the slightly open door- leaving my mind wondering what makes me doing something that so not me. My confused face is reflected in a man’s face that answers my knock. My rational mind tells me to apologize and to leave the house immediately but something in my heart makes me stand still and stare to the man’s brown eyes. Yes, I just stare to a strange man’s eyes and adore what I see. I must have eaten something wrong this lunch because I am acting so weird now.

“Can I help you?” ask the man nicely after he recovered from his confusion.

“Hm.. I don’t know, I smell your coffee from over there and my subconscious brought me here.. When I recovered, my hand already knocked on your door and here I am, standing in front of you, staring at your beautiful eyes and mumbling nonsense.” My own ears is amazed by my answer. I must have lost my mind because I never talk like that to a man before, moreover to a strange man I know nothing about.

“What a straight answer, I don’t know how to respond to that one. I guess my coffee is the one responsible for your awkwardness and it makes me feel that I owe you one cup. Come here then… if you want to, of course.” The man smiles, showing his bright white teeth. Oh My GOD, I am noticing his teeth now, what else will happen to me after this? The coffee needs to be very strong to wake me from this trance state.

I sit on the single sofa beside the front window while the man vanished to the back side of the house, probably to brew me one cup of his coffee or maybe he is calling 911 to inform them that his house is invaded by a strange woman. My eyes are scanning the living room. The whole wall is painted white but one side of the wall- the one directly in front of me -mostly covered by black and white photographs in black frames: the exact way I want to decorate my own house. The familiar feelings creep back inside me. I turn my eyes to another side of the wall because I feel my tears are coming. On my life side, I see the front door – the one that left ajar – and one big window beside each side of the door, are all in the black and white monochrome colors. Minimalist style with much space left empty and a giant vase stands alone in my right side.

Almost five minutes until the man is coming back to living room bringing my coffee. The same sweet smell filled the air and my heart feels warm. He offers me the coffee but my hand is shaking heavily that I couldn’t take the cup. Suddenly, not only my hand but all of my body is shaking, as if it is shaken by an invisible person and I feel my eyes are full of tears now.

“Honey, are you okay?” I hear a voice asking me softly but it’s a different voice from the man before and I also feel a hand caressing my cheeks as if trying to calm me down. I open my eyes to see my brother face full of concern and his eyes is softening when meeting my eyes.

“Yes, I guess I am okay now. I’ve just had a dream, a nice one actually”, I told him as calm as I can, trying to assure him that I am okay even if I’m not really okay right now. I know now why the house looks familiar to me, because that was my burnt house and the man with a cup of coffee was the love of my life.

“Then, why are you sobbing in your sleep?” My brother is clearly not believe me.

“Because I dream of him and our house. I feel like I am home again.”

 

It is an edited version.

Unlocking my mind….in Garut

Okay, I join The April Writing 101 in Blogging University (after I couldn’t complete it last year), hoping that I can complete it this year.

Our first task is to write our stream of consciousness in 20 minutes. I had to put my phone in stopwatch mode in order to keep my mind on this task.

I have no idea what to write, so I just write what cross my mind. Everybody else is writing about their Easter-related moment, since I am not celebrating Easter, I just enjoy the holiday and I will write about it.

I went to Garut, in West Java, Indonesia to visit the grave of my fiance’s grandmother before our wedding in this May. I really love this journey because I could see the beauty of Garut and how cold the air there. We went there Friday early morning but the toll road was already packed with cars and the traffic jam was already welcoming us there. The 5 hours journey became 10 but with the green view and nice food, everything is bearable.

Beside visiting the Grave, we also went to Garut for its Leather Market. I had to buy shoes for my dad there. They sell many leather-product with great quality in such a very reasonable price. I spend approximately $40 only for 2 sandals and 2 formal shoes! if you happen to be in West Java, just don’t miss the opportunity to shop leather in Sukaregang Leather Market, in Garut.

We also visit the Chocolatier, another Garut’s finest product. The name is Chocodot, it is known as the first chocolate maker which blend chocolate with dodol (traditional sweet-sticky food from Garut). They have many kind of chocolate with fancy name. They also sell it in a very reasonable price!

The best Holiday is the one which make our tummy happy!

Argh, I still have another 5 minutes to write. I should write about where we spend the night. We weren’t planning to stay overnight in Garut, because we are going to go to Bandung to spend two nights there but because of the traffic jam, we had to stay one night in Garut. Long holiday is not a time to an unplanned stay-over journey. Almost all the hotel is fully booked, with Jakarta-plate cars in the yard. Thank God we finally get room in Familie Ayu Hotel, an old but comfortable hotel. We are lucky, with only $20/room/night!

The street in front of Familie Ayu Hotel, Jl. Ronggolawe, Garut, West Java, Indonesia

The street in front of Familie Ayu Hotel, Jl. Ronggolawe, Garut, West Java, Indonesia

So, have you ever experience the unplanned journey that turn out to be very fun? please share..

….my 20 minutes is finally over. Yeay!

Writing 101

I am irritated by my own writing. I am like a violinist whose ear is true, but whose fingers refuse to reproduce precisely the sound he hears within.
– Gustave Flaubert

 

Yes! I’ve just enrolled in a Blogging University.

Class of June, 2014.

I do realize that I failed my last writing challenge, but I will keep going and keep writing. Motivation is what I really need.

Let’s buckle up and have fun in the class!

😀