Mumbling #5

So, I have this one friend, kind of best friend of mine. He (yes, a man) is unique but I love him, even before he started to be my silent reader. :p

Couple of days ago, he ask whether I am okay or not. I am fine, just fine, but he said that I look so gloomy in all my post here. His statement made me read my recent posts again and I know what he mean. I do look so gloomy and always in a bad mood. I do feel so sad recently because of something and other things, but I do realize that I could write easily when I feel sad or lonely. Writing a self-therapy for me, I f something bothered my mind, I tend to write to make my mind clear. So, I guess I could make a new tagline for my blog…

Pick your own dose of bitterness

Love,

@darkjasm

Morning Spirit

God is hearing all of our prays, people told me. I believe He is. Like this morning, He answers me. Creepy? nope. He answers me on his own way, through people.

I have been wandering for some things lately, I stated it in my last post. This morning, I have the answers that calmed my mind. I have to wait. one year longer. Would it hurt to wait a year longer after these 3 years? I consider it fair enough. I can make better preparation, I can fix some or more things in my life before welcoming my time. ๐Ÿ˜‰

Pray for your dream as specific as you can, said someone to me. I couldn’t picture my dream specifically, maybe that is why I need to wait. I need to wait until I am ready. I need to make my self worth of it.

Since I need to wait, maybe You could make London as my destination, my dear God?

Where do I belong?

Where do I belong?

Been questioning this sentence to my self for a while now. I have troubled sleeping. I couldn’t concentrate for one thing at a time. My mind is always wandering. I can’t rest well and my body is not in a good health also.

People say that you don’t need to hear what others’ saying about you. You have to live your own dream, never surrender for what others want you to do. I’ve lost. I have lost in my own battle for my dream. I put my dream in the bet and I’ve lost, from the first time. I usually thought and sometime blame someone for where I stand right know. I used to say that I do all of these things for him, to make him happy, even I sacrifice my own happiness. I thought that his happiness in one time can also be my happiness. I was right, for only a short time. Now all that I can think is how misery I am. I always have a nightmare. Hopeless. My dreams is turning into my nightmare. Even when I am awake, all I can feel is sorry for my self.

I feel sorry because i haven’t fight hard enough for my dream. I feel sorry for giving up so easily the first time. I feel sorry for my fucked up life. I feel sorry for all the blames I’ve done. I feel sorry to finally realize that all the blame is on me.

Dreams.

People say that if we can visually reach our dream in our mind, or we always keep the dream in our mind, the dream will eventually be the one who will come to us. We need to keep fighting for our dreams, even in the most impossible stage, for what we always want is what will come to us. But what if our self is the one who separate us from reaching our dreams?

Gotye and everything else that I used to know

You can get addicted to a certain kinda sadness
Like resignation to the end, always the end

-Gotye’s Somebody that I Used to Know

I didn’t used to write about music, because I know nothing about it. nothing at all. But something in Gotye’s song made me do so. I feel an urge to write my feeling towards this particular song and this particular musician, from my humble (and now that i write “humble”, i ain’t feel humble anymore) opinion.. oh don’t get me wrong, the word humble here is chosen to plainly explain my zero knowledge about music industry, I’m just having fun listening to music, not more.

Okay, before my “humble” self took me out of this post’s context, I need to back to Gotye.

I was introduced to his music by defickry even he didn’t mean to. He was singing “somebody that I used to know” when we were having karaoke session in small reunion of Pramuka UGM’s member in early January this year. I like this song from the moment I hear the melody, and then the MV caught my eyes. Brilliant!

Rereading the lyric later on, I fall in love in this song all over again. I love to read lyrics of many songs, I like to guess what composers want us to see through their lyric, I like to impersonate a song to my mind and ‘somebody that I used to know’s lyric give me all the feeling I need to drown into a song.

mystical feeling every time I saw this pic

mystical feeling every time I saw this pic

I remember that i’ve been in this kind of situation when I heard fireflies by Owl City couple of years ago. I relive the memory, the feeling and I feel my heart’s warming. I find Gotye’s other songs and just like what happen to Owl City, I fall in love for all his songs I’ve found.

Couple of years ago, when I am addicted to Owl city, I try to find their albums and I can’t find it in many music store, until I’ve finally found it in PIM 2. I guess it will happen again with this musician. I will hunt it down.. *sounds creepy* ๐Ÿ˜†

Gotye’s music grows bigger in my mind, his melody keep playing over and over and be my mind’s soundtrack recently, so I feel an urge to write how wonderful his work is just to get rid of my addiction and get my peaceful mind back. ๐Ÿ˜€ I’ve googled Gotye and found his many achievements, and even if I’m a late fans, I feel proud of him! and now that I have seen his face, I think my mind is gonna full of his figure at this moment. ๐Ÿ˜‰ ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜€

Hello There! *fly me to the moon song in the background*

Hello There! *fly me to the moon song in the background*

and I think I can give a summary of my beloved foreign musicians. I have child crush on Chester Bennington, I love all the genius’ work of Linkin Park, I got motivation for studying English from charming boys of Backstreet Boys and Westlife, I learn to sing along properly with Avril Lavigne’s songs, I like some of Green Day’s, Blink 182’s and Simple Plan’s hits. I freed my soul by screaming together with muse. I fall in love with electric music because of Owl City and now I feel kinda trance every time i hear Gotye’s melody.. *dancing soul* so now, can anyone analyze what kind of music lover I am?

a new addiction, a new journey, a new experience, a whole new world to explore, thank you Mr. Wouter “Wally” De Backer.

Brain-dead from boredom
I’m led to distraction
Scratching the surface of life
Nothing really happens
But it’s easy to keep busy
When you tell yourself you’re traveling right

-Gotye’s Easy Way Out

Lurve you!

-darRkJasm-

pics are taken from here,ย  here and here

Mumbling #3

another long break from writing. I owe someone a review about her cake for one of my best friend, and I can’t post it now since I haven’t get the photos from Mr. J yet.

hoah.. *yawn*

I’m not in my perfect condition now. Got cough when I’m in Pekanbaru last weekend and now i get influenza.. #sleepyhead

my mood is not in a good mode also. feel so sad, left out and lonely..

maybe I just need a “me” time

insecure feeling

I have a dream. Dream about my future. Future which I want very much. Now I am sad. Sad because I am stepping against it. I become far away from the path to my dream. People say that the hardest route is the closest way, but what if this isn’t the hardest, what if it is the easiest way, I am in the farthest way then.

I have dreams. Dreams about what I want to be. I want to be an asronaut when I was a little girl. I want to be teacher like my mother. I want to be Psychologist. I want to be a Clinician. I want to be…..a great woman. What do i really want? I already be a lecturer. I already have my own business. If I ain’t feel complete, I am not a grateful person then.

I have a dream. Dream about my ideal life. I have a life. Living my real life, not living my dream life.

I have a dream. I have a life.

Which one should I live in?

Faith in Humanity restored..

Those words are taken from 9gag, one site that I visit regularly these days due to my very boring office routines.

i have a trouble with uchile *my car* these two months. Uchile was very sick, been through many engine operations and it had been finer this week.. until last night. When I was in my way going back home, suddenly Uchile experienced the dead engine and we were in the middle of a traffic jam. I’ve got panicked, switched the hazard lights on, open the door and trying to push Uchile a lil bit away from the jam, and of course i’ve failed, i am not strong enough to make it move further.

Panicked, indeed. I went out the car and shouting through the road noise, asking help to the men nearby (across the street), Thank God he understand what I mean and trying to cross the road as fast as he can, following by his friend. Luckily, the driver of the car behind me is a kind person that was not horned at me.

The two gentlemen helped me to push my car away from the road, but since this street has no pavement, i have to park my car near the railway. They open the car engine and it was very hot although the temperature sign was not indicating a temperature arisen at that time.

Long story short (i am so sorry, i can’t explain the engine detail since i understand only a little about it), they’ve done all they can to help me, adding the water to the engine, checking the battery and many other stuffs. We want to push the car but the street was full and all we can do at that time was waiting till the engine isn’t hot anymore.

I’ve called my father and my brother was going to get to me as soon as he can. I’ve called Mr. J who was in his way back from his office and promise me he would be there as soon as he can.

I sat at a “warung” nearby while I was waiting for them to come. My brother arrived first and checked the car, guessing that there was something wrong with the alternator or something like that so he asked Mr. J to come with a mechanic, and a battery jumper (is it right?). We waited until Mr. J came and solve the problem, although the mechanic said that we had to change the alternator. I was going home with my brother and Mr. J took Uchile to the garage.

It wasn’t my first experience with a sudden dead engine car. I’ve been through it before, quite often, but it was my first experience in the middle of a traffic jam. Been through these situation a lot made me often deal with my own frustration and realize that we never can live alone in this world. People now become more self-centered, said some people, but after experience such things, I believe that people is not too self-centered, may be people around us is just too afraid to do something for other because they afraid to be judge as someone who want to interfere others too much. I do believe in humanity and I do believe in kindness to other.. ๐Ÿ™‚

Thank You, HaloBCA

Saya harus mengakui bahwa saya adalah orang yang ceroboh, tidak sabaran dan sulit untuk memfokuskan perhatian pada satu hal saja (kecuali jika saya sedang membaca). Kecerobohan saya belakangan ini semakin parah karena saya menjelang depresi menghadapi kenyataan yang sangat tidak sesuai dengan keinginan saya, dan kecerobohan yang baru-baru ini saya lakukan sangat merugikan.

Hari kamis yang lalu, saya mendapat order tiket pesawat dan ketika saya ingin mengkonfirmasi pembayaran, saya baru menyadari kalau saya salah transfer pembayaran, dan salah transfer ini saya lakukan dengan fasilitas KlikBCA yang notabene ada fitur konfirmasi pembayarannya! how stupid i am (salah transfer ini sebenarnya kali yang kedua sih, yang pertama untungnya saya salah transfer ke rekening teman saya, kali ini saya transfer ke orang yang saya tidak kenal, mungkin salah satu orang dari online shop)…

Panik! tentu saja, tapi akhirnya saya memberanikan diri menelpon Halo BCA yang alhamdulillah ditanggapi dengan sangat ramah dan responsif oleh Mbak Moza. Setelah pembicaraan yang panjang, pengaduan saya sudah di buatkan BAPnya dan saya tinggal mengirimkan beberapa kopi dokumen via email ke Halo BCA, but being me, I forget to send those documents.

Hari ini, saya mendapat telpon dari nomer yang tidak saya kenal (untungnya saya lagi mood ngangkat) yang ternyata adalah dari pihak Halo BCA yang mengabarkan bahwa mereka sudah menghubungi orang yang menerima uang salah transfer saya dan uang saya sudah ditransfer kembali dengan jumlah yang sesuai dengan yang saya transfer kemarin. I’ve checked my account and It’s TRUE!

Thank You Halo BCA, Thank You BCA! I love You!!!!!

Beginilah seharusnya customer service, responsif dan memudahkan pelanggannya..

notes for my self or other who has same problem with me:

1. Hapus daftar Nomer Rekening yang tidak akan digunakan lagi

2. Don’t believe your self, cek lagi kebenaran rekening transaksi ketika mengkonfirmasi transaksi

3. Jangan malas mengadukan masalah anda! ๐Ÿ™‚

once again, Halo BCA, you’re my savior! :-*

disclaimer:

Saya menuliskan ini tanpa dibayar.

Saya menulis ini murni karena rasa terima kasih saya karena sudah dibantu oleh pihak BCA.

Should I say goodbye ?

Sometime, we will not get what we want, because some people said that God is not giving us what we want, but God gives us what we need.

What do I need, God?

Do I need to lose my chance once again? do I need to break my dream once again? Do I need to take another longer route?

They said that the hardest route is the closest way, but I just can’t stand it anymore.

I’ve broken inside, once again..

I hate good bye, but it keeps coming to greet me..

and yes, I have another good bye to say.

Good bye, my dream (for another while)..

Good bye my wonderful new friends..