Been questioning this sentence to my self for a while now. I have troubled sleeping. I couldn’t concentrate for one thing at a time. My mind is always wandering. I can’t rest well and my body is not in a good health also.
People say that you don’t need to hear what others’ saying about you. You have to live your own dream, never surrender for what others want you to do. I’ve lost. I have lost in my own battle for my dream. I put my dream in the bet and I’ve lost, from the first time. I usually thought and sometime blame someone for where I stand right know. I used to say that I do all of these things for him, to make him happy, even I sacrifice my own happiness. I thought that his happiness in one time can also be my happiness. I was right, for only a short time. Now all that I can think is how misery I am. I always have a nightmare. Hopeless. My dreams is turning into my nightmare. Even when I am awake, all I can feel is sorry for my self.
I feel sorry because i haven’t fight hard enough for my dream. I feel sorry for giving up so easily the first time. I feel sorry for my fucked up life. I feel sorry for all the blames I’ve done. I feel sorry to finally realize that all the blame is on me.
Dreams.
People say that if we can visually reach our dream in our mind, or we always keep the dream in our mind, the dream will eventually be the one who will come to us. We need to keep fighting for our dreams, even in the most impossible stage, for what we always want is what will come to us. But what if our self is the one who separate us from reaching our dreams?
We know some people who always behave like they are the victim. They never admit that they do something wrong, moreover, they blame someone for what happen in their life. People who always put their blame in others is doing something that we call playing the victim game or self-victimization syndrome.
“Why should I apologize to her if i’ve never done something wrong?” Those are the simple sentence that will lead a person to play the victim game. Should I remind us that we are a social creatures? We don’t live alone in this world, everything that we’ve done is effecting others life as well as effecting ours. I guess it will not harm you if you apologize to someone that you truly feel that something has changed between you two. If you want other to feel respect at you, you have to gain it yourself. Confront your guilt feeling, ask directly to the person who changed their behavior towards you. Be gentle, and you will save your pride.
Self-victimization syndrome is a syndrome where one feels and acts like a victim all the time. If someone acted like this person has done something wrong to him/her, person with this syndrome will try to convince other that they are guilt-free, they had done nothing wrong, moreover this person will act as if the person that hurt is the one who’s hurting them. Usually, a person with this syndrome will try to act like nothing happen, and will tell others that other people is avoiding him/her.
I know that when we tell stories of what happen in our life, we need to be in the spotlight. We always want to be in the good side, but if we hurt other in the process, it will end very bad. We have to choose what we say to others or we will hurt someone by what we’ve told, conscious or unconscious.
To reiterate the underlying dynamics of this problem, I explained that many people adopt the victim role, albeit unintentionally, because they are afraid of their anger, deny its existence in themselves, project it onto other people, and anticipate aggression or harm from them. With this expectation and a high sensitivity to anger in others, they may even distort other people’s facial expressions, imagining that they have malicious intentions. The anger that they would have experienced in response to frustration or stress is transformed into fear and distrust of others and into feelings of being hurt or wounded.
Even in the most extreme situation, such as a concentration camp, feeling victimized is not adaptive: Feeling your anger, planning an escape, attempting to survive any and all of these courses of action are preferable to indulging powerless, victimized feelings. Your attitude is a vital factor in determining whether you will survive or perish, succeed or fail in life. Viktor Frankl contended that many of the survivors of German concentration camps were able to endure because they refused to give in to feeling victimized. Instead, although stripped of all their rights and possessions, they used one remaining freedom to sustain their spirit; the freedom to choose what attitude or position they would take in relation to the horror they faced. “It was the freedom to bear oneself ‘this way or that,’ and there was a ‘this or that.'” (Frankl, 1954/1967, p. 94)
Feeling victimized is never a productive act. Even in the most depressing moment in your life, you should find something to change the situation. If we notice that something is changed from our dear friend, ask them directly. If we feel angry to a certain person of what they’ve done to us, find a way to tell them nicely. Never make a statement like “They isolate me, they don’t want me there, they hate me” but instead, ask to yourself, do they really isolate me or I make an isolation by my self? It could be that you are the one avoiding them, and you choose to believe that they hate you. Something is better spoken than hidden, dear. Please end playing the victim, now is the time for us to face the reality, bridging the problem by start apologizing!
Early this April, My lovely niece Zhafira Khalifa Laiqa along with her mother “MaZha”, father “PaZha”, grandfather “atuk” and aunty visited me for about a week. We had joyful holiday..
Day 1 after their arrival, we went to Ragunan Zoo, I’ve asked them to go early in the morning because it will be sunny that day, but we arrived there around 11am, when the sun shines so brightly.. It was very hot in Ragunan, we have to walk to see the animals and after Atuk feel so exhausted, we ride the tram to see around the Ragunan and it is really a big zoo. Zhazha was so happy to see many kinds of animals like elephant, birds, monkey, lion and others, She called them all “Mauw”. 😆
Posing in Ragunan ZooThe Elephant
After we all so tired and the tummy was really empty, we went to Daeng Naba’s Restaurant in Ampera Street. We were treated by my Cousin, Bg Dody “Zhazha’s Pak Long”.
Day 2 of the journey, around 8 am we were off to Sea World in Ancol Dream Park. Traffic jam was our best friend that day. We arrived there around half past ten. We took some pictures with the fish, Aunty was being so brave that she participated in a contest and got Sea World Sticker. What a lovely day. Zhazha keep calling the fish as “Mauw” :rolling:
Zhazha and the ganksThe joy I love
Finished the journey at Sea World, Ambassador Mall was our next destination, but became “me”, we lost in our way there, took so long route and finally we parked at Kuningan City. We went to Ambas on foot from Kuningan City, bought some cds, and then had dinner at Kuningan City. Zhazha was so happy walking in Kuningan City, it might be because the mall is so bright and almost empty that she felt like she was at home. Back to home after Maghrib prayer, through the friday night traffic of South Jakarta and Depok. *be right back massaging my feet*
Day 3 is Aunty’s day. Aunty went to Kidzania at Pacific Place, accompanied by Mr. J “Anji as Zhazha call him” and PaZha. They spent almost 3 hrs in Kidzania. Atuk was Watching GI JOE at Blitzmegaplex while Mazha and me “Bubun or Baboh as Zhazha call me” were busy to keep Zhazha busy. Aunty was so happy after she went to Kidzania, she baked cookies there, she became a journalist and she kept talking about it in our journey back to home.
Day 4 was Sunday and it was supposed to be Atuk’s day. Around 9am I accompanied Atuk to one of his nephew’s wedding. The problem was he hardly ever met his cousin even more his nephew (the last time Atuk met his cousin was when he was a junior high school student!) and the other problem was I hardly know the route. We made it after all but we weren’t stay long there because of there was too many person and Atuk was seating so bad. We went home and in the afternoon Atuk stayed at home while the others left to ITC for some shopping. Teheee
Day 5 was when Bubun have classes to teach in her campus. I left early in the morning but I came home in my lunch break between class to pick Zhazha and the ganks to see beautiful scenery around my campus. In the night we had dinner reservation at Bumbu Desa, Margo City, invited by Anji’s family. The dinner went very well, what didn’t go well was that Zhazha was crying when we went home, she still wanted to be in Margo City. I guess that my cute niece has been a mall girl. :p
in Sentul Highland
Last Day 😦
We left home around 10.30am and was heading to Grand Indonesia Shopping Town to see the Fountain Show. We stopped in Majesty Bakery to buy cakes for people in Pekanbaru and we also stopped at some Padang Restaurant in Blok M for lunch. Finally around 13.30 we arrived at GI but unfortunately we missed the Fountain Show. We just took some pics there and then off to the airport at 14.30
With uncle robot.. hihiile goodbye 😦
My heart is broken when I see them waving good bye… 😦
Last march I went to Magelang and Bali for my university admission test. Nope, I am the examiner, not the participant. 😀
In Magelang, we had >200 participants, so we have to work harder but still had so much fun, while in Denpasar we only tested 48 participants… it was a holiday under cover.. 😀
here are some pics from my journey.. enjoy it!
11th March 2013
landed in Adi Sutjipto airport of Yogyakarta.. it was weird, you know, arrived in Yogya but couldn’t stay there.. 😦
In Magelang, we spend the night in Grand Artos Hotel, such a lovely hotel that is in one building with grand artos mall. 😀
a View from my room in Grand Artos Hotel, Magelang, Central Javaanother great view from my hotel room
Magelang, 13th March 2013
delicious on-sale cake at Grand Artos Hotel
Magelang, 14th March 2013
Little garden on the rooftop of Grand Artos HotelRelaxing near the poolwise words in Mirota Batik’s Rest Room – Yogyakarta.. just awhile before we went to the airport
I arrived in Bali on 18th March 2013 and stayed at Mercure Hotel just across Kuta Beach. What a wonderful Hotel with a wonderful view from the pool and the restaurant at the top floor.
Kuta, 18th March 2013
welcome to the sunny Bali!A garden in the lobby of Mercure Hotel at Kuta Beach
I have a really nice stay in Mercure Hotel at Kuta Beach, Bali
Beachwalk, a nice mall in Kutaa statue in “Simpang Siur”
Kuta, 20th March 2013
a pool at the roof top, with Kuta beach as the grand viewbreakfast at Mercure Hotel
Kuta Beach in the morning
Ubud & Jimbaran, 21th March 2013
-Ubud-Bentar Temple -Ubud-we had to wear this sarong if we wish to enter the temple. nice one btw..
Candi Bentar -Ubud-
still in Bentar Temple -Ubud--Ubud-Bentar Temple -Ubud-
after sunbathing in Bentar Temple, we went straight to bebek (Duck) Sawah Indah for lunch, unfortunately the service there took a long time and we were starving, but the view was magnificent!
The gate of Bebek Sawah Indah -Ubud-having lunch in Bebek Sawah Indah, Ubudcharming view welcomes you in Bebek Sawah Indah -Ubud-Bebek Sawah Indah -Ubud-le Me
-Bebek Sawah Indah-
reflectionice tea for my hot body :p
Full tummy means happy body,, :p off to see the monkeys
a Monkey in Ubudwhadda naughty monkey! you know how to pick a girl, don’t you?
Time for a farewell, we went to Jimbaran for Dinner but turns out that we have to wait longer for the sunset and it was very hot there before the sunset..
Jimbaran!jimbaran at 5pm
a bright sun. a shady beach
the life is starting at afternoon hereThe sun is ready to set at Jimbaranwaiting for the sunsetgood bye, Sun! Good Bye Bali!
Wow! Here I am, at Burger King Rest Area Cibubur (at jagorawi toll road) in 00.03am…
Hujan yang dimulai tadi sore dan memang cukup lebat ternyata berdampak besar pada jalanan di jakarta, and i have no idea about it until i’ve got stuck in the traffic for about 4 hrs and still nowhere near my destination..
Jakarta.. Oh Jakarta..
Setelah lama nggak ngepost di blog, saya merasa cukup penting untuk menulis saat ini, jika tidak saya rasa kepala saya akan meledak dengan kekaguman atas kota Jakarta ini..
Hujan gede walau hanya 3 jam saja bisa = banjir hingga 20cm atau bahkan selutut orang dewasa dan tentu saja = macet!
Huh hah..
Tadi saya dari hotel Kaisar sekitar pukul 08.00 malam lewat jalan raya pasar minggu menuju UNAS karena harus menjemput calon adik ipar #eaaa, sampai di UNAS sekitar pukul 10 malam loh… Jadi saya terjebak macet sekitar 2jam, yang seharusnya bisa ditempuh hanya paling lama 30 menit saja.. *ngosngosan*
Dari UNAS jemput Mr.J dulu di Kalibata biar dia yg nyetir sampe depok dan saya bisa tertidur dengan cantiknya, berharap ketika bangun sudah sampe didepok.. Ternyata, ketika saya bangun sekitar pukul 23.30 masih di daerah poltangan *siyok* dan kondisi jalan menuju Tj. Barat tidak memberikan harapan yang indah, sehingga setelah kami buka situs lewatmana.com dan twitter @TMCPoldaMetro kami memutuskan untuk mutar lewat jalan tol saja, biar jauh asal gak macet! Hehehe akhirnya setelah bermacet-macet menuju pinto tol, kami bisa menikmati jalanan lancar dan akhirnya Mr.J bisa makan malam dengan tenang… 😀
You can get addicted to a certain kinda sadness
Like resignation to the end, always the end
-Gotye’s Somebody that I Used to Know
I didn’t used to write about music, because I know nothing about it. nothing at all. But something in Gotye’s song made me do so. I feel an urge to write my feeling towards this particular song and this particular musician, from my humble (and now that i write “humble”, i ain’t feel humble anymore) opinion.. oh don’t get me wrong, the word humble here is chosen to plainly explain my zero knowledge about music industry, I’m just having fun listening to music, not more.
Okay, before my “humble” self took me out of this post’s context, I need to back to Gotye.
I was introduced to his music by defickry even he didn’t mean to. He was singing “somebody that I used to know” when we were having karaoke session in small reunion of Pramuka UGM’s member in early January this year. I like this song from the moment I hear the melody, and then the MV caught my eyes. Brilliant!
Rereading the lyric later on, I fall in love in this song all over again. I love to read lyrics of many songs, I like to guess what composers want us to see through their lyric, I like to impersonate a song to my mind and ‘somebody that I used to know’s lyric give me all the feeling I need to drown into a song.
mystical feeling every time I saw this pic
I remember that i’ve been in this kind of situation when I heard fireflies by Owl City couple of years ago. I relive the memory, the feeling and I feel my heart’s warming. I find Gotye’s other songs and just like what happen to Owl City, I fall in love for all his songs I’ve found.
Couple of years ago, when I am addicted to Owl city, I try to find their albums and I can’t find it in many music store, until I’ve finally found it in PIM 2. I guess it will happen again with this musician. I will hunt it down.. *sounds creepy* 😆
Gotye’s music grows bigger in my mind, his melody keep playing over and over and be my mind’s soundtrack recently, so I feel an urge to write how wonderful his work is just to get rid of my addiction and get my peaceful mind back. 😀 I’ve googled Gotye and found his many achievements, and even if I’m a late fans, I feel proud of him! and now that I have seen his face, I think my mind is gonna full of his figure at this moment. 😉 😆 😀
Hello There! *fly me to the moon song in the background*
and I think I can give a summary of my beloved foreign musicians. I have child crush on Chester Bennington, I love all the genius’ work of Linkin Park, I got motivation for studying English from charming boys of Backstreet Boys and Westlife, I learn to sing along properly with Avril Lavigne’s songs, I like some of Green Day’s, Blink 182’s and Simple Plan’s hits. I freed my soul by screaming together with muse. I fall in love with electric music because of Owl City and now I feel kinda trance every time i hear Gotye’s melody.. *dancing soul* so now, can anyone analyze what kind of music lover I am?
a new addiction, a new journey, a new experience, a whole new world to explore, thank you Mr. Wouter “Wally” De Backer.
Brain-dead from boredom I’m led to distraction Scratching the surface of life Nothing really happens But it’s easy to keep busy When you tell yourself you’re traveling right
another long break from writing. I owe someone a review about her cake for one of my best friend, and I can’t post it now since I haven’t get the photos from Mr. J yet.
hoah.. *yawn*
I’m not in my perfect condition now. Got cough when I’m in Pekanbaru last weekend and now i get influenza.. #sleepyhead
my mood is not in a good mode also. feel so sad, left out and lonely..
Last long holiday, I got invitation from Mr.J’s fam to spend my holiday in Bandung. Sayangkan jika undangan yang sangat bagus ini disia-siakan? Maka berangkatlah saya ke Bandung pada hari minggu pagi. Berangkatnya sih was-was, takut jalanan macet karena Bandung kan identik dengan macet, tetapi untungnya jalanan hanya ramai lancar. Kami hanya memerlukan waktu sekitar 2 jam untuk tiba di rumah keluarga di daerah Cijerah. Sampai di bandung bincang-bincang heboh dulu sebentar lalu lanjut ke Ciwangun Indah Camp.
Disingkat dengan CIC, berlokasi di daerah Lembang, merupakan tempat outbond yang lumayan banyak di gemari di daerah Jawa Barat. Suasananya asyik, cocok untuk kegiatan outbond, tanahnya berbukit-bukit, pemandangannya bagus dan udaranya dingin. Fasilitas dan permainan yang ditawarkan juga cukup banyak.
three nature kids
Awalnya kami ke CIC hanya untuk survey, rencananya akan diadakan outbond pada hari senin, namun karena perjalanan ke sana yang cukup menaikkan adrenalin karena melewati jalanan sempit berbatasan jurang dan kejadian tanah longsor beberapa hari sebelumnya akhirnya kami memutuskan untuk bermain langsung saja di CIC. Ketika kami sampai di CIC sekitar pukul 14.30, kami disambut hujan yang cukup deras. Sempat kecewa memang, namun akhirnya kami memutuskan untuk tetap semangat dan mencoba flying fox hujan-hujanan. Untuk saya yang masih muda belia dan cantik jelita (dilarang protes) ini, flying fox memang sudah tidak menakutkan, sudah biasa malah, tapi hujan cukup membuat suasana hati ceria, tapi yang paling lucu adalah ketika meyakinkan para tetua untuk ikut main, yang akhirnya berhasil. Para tetua yang awalnya sangat takut mencoba tetapi ketika sudah sampai di tempat tujuan malah ketagihan dan ingin mencoba lagi, untungnya hari udah sore.. 😆
after flying fox bersama nenk Uti
di CIC kami memang cuma mencoba flying fox karena permainan yang lain sudah licin kena hujan, kami jadi malas dan memutuskan untuk melanjutkan perjalanan.
raining at CIC
Perjalanan dilanjutkan ke Rumah Kayu Resto di daerah Pusdikajen, Lembang. Di rumah kayu itu kami mencoba cincau hijau yang sesuai dengan promosinya ternyata memang sangat lezat. Rumah Kayu Resto ini sangat nyaman, sesuai dengan namanya, dekorasi restorannya memang dominan terbuat dari kayu, disini juga dijual sayuran organik yang teknologinya berasal dari Taiwan. Menurut pengamatan saya, restauran ini sangat apik, dan suasananya membuat betah. Cincau yang saya coba juga rasanya sangat tajam dan tidak seperti cincau yang biasa nya saya coba, sangat segar! #bukanLebay.
Cincau di Rumah Kayu
Selain cincau, kami juga mencoba telur asinnya, tidak terlalu asin tapi lezat juga. 😀 Kemudian saya mencoba Tutut untuk pertama kalinya, ternyata rasanya sama saja dengan rasa kerang dara, cuma bentuknya aja yang sedikit menggelikan sehingga saya belum pernah berniat mencobanya sampai ditawarkan disini, yang membuat tututnya terasa lezat sebenarnya adalah kuahnya, kuah kari yang menggoda.
Tutut kuah Kari
Kami juga mencoba pisang goreng keju yang merupakan pisang tanduk digorang dengan tepung yang sepertinya dicampur gula merah sehingga sangat empuk sekali dan tentu saja menggoda selera.. Saya merekomendasikan resto ini untuk dicoba, karena saya juga pengen banged balik lagi kesana. Udara dingin, tempat romantis, tidak terlalu ramai, makanannya lezat pula.. PAS! 🙂
senja di Rumah Kayu
Selesai mengisi perut di Rumah Kayu, kerjaan sang perut ternyata belum selesai karena kami menuju tempat jualan ketan yang konon adalah makanan khas Lembang. Ketannya dibakar dan disajikan dengan serundeng, oncom dan saus kacang pedas. Ketannya memang lembut cuma menurut saya kurang garam sehingga kurang gurih dan sebenarnya saya lebih suka makan ketan pake durian, bukan oncom… maafkanlah lidah melayu saya ini.. 😆
Ketan Bakar
Perut kenyang, hati senang.. Kami menuruni bukit menuju Cihampelas, katanya sih mau belanja, tapi ternyata itu adalah pilihan yang salah. Cihampelas meuni macet pisan! *sok-sokan pake bahasa sunda, maap kalo salah yak, namanya juga belajar…
Rencananya hari kedua ini kami mau berangkat ke Kampung Gajah pagi-pagi, tetapi manusia memang cuma bisa berencana, Tuhanlah yang menentukan. Ada sepupu yang keponakan suaminya meninggal sehingga kami harus menggeser jadwal dan menunggu sepupu lain yang tahu jalan ke Kampung Gajah. Akhirnya kami tiba di Kampung Gajah sekitar pkl. 10.00 dengan jalanan yang untungnya belum terlalu ramai. Ada sedikit keributan mengenai tiket masuk, ada yang mau tiket terusan, ada yang tidak. Akhirnya di putuskan para tetua tidak ambil tiket terusan karena toh mereka juga gak bisa main semuanya..
Cuaca kawasan Kampung Gajah
Tiket terusan yang seharga Rp 200.000 itu mengcover beberapa wahana, total dalam selebarannya adalah 19 wahana, sayang nya mereka tidak mencantumkan wahana apa yang tidak beroperasi pada hari itu sehingga kita berasumsi bahwa semua wahana bisa kita nikmati, ternyata ATV yang merupakan tujuan saya sehingga saya rela membeli tiket terusan tidak beroperasi. Menelan kekecewaan, kami akhirnya main mini buggy, tubby dan gokart. Mini buggy cuma boleh satu kali naik. Tubby ketika mau naik lagi udah antri parah. Gokart antriannya lebih parah lagi, kami harus antri 1.5 jam baru bisa main.
padatnya parkiran Kampung Gajah
Wahana yang di cover dalam tiket ternyata banyak yang di batasi, seperti skyrider maksimal 60 kg, horse riding yang kalo nggak salah cuma buat yang dibawah berapa meter gitu.. Ada wahana yang bagus seperti 4D, tetapi kita harus bayar lagi Rp 50.000 terus ada Segway (mirip otoped tapi dengan roda gede gitu) kita bayar lagi Rp 150.000 untuk 15 menit. Overall sih saya sebenarnya kecewa karena sudah salah ambil langkah karena membeli tiket terusan, tetapi untungnya agak terobati dengan waterboomnya. Tornadonya mantab! wahana di waterboomnya sangat menarik, ada tornado (yang kita seperti masuk corong raksasa), ada octopus (luncuran panjang gitu deh),dan ada kolam ombak. Tornado dan Octopusnya bikin ketagihan, sayangnya kita harus naik tangga yang cukup melelahkan bagi saya yang udah jarang olah raga ini. Kolam Ombaknya juga lumayan seru, mungkin karena kita rame-rame jadi kita heboh sendiri bikin formasi melawan ombak, tarik-tarikan ban sampai waterboomnya hampir mau tutup. Seru! tapi akibat kehebohan di kolam ombak, tangan saya masih sakit sampe hari ini. 😦
Saran saya bagi yang mau berwisata ke Kampung Gajah, jangan beli tiket terusan dulu, liat-liat aja dulu wahananya apa saja, dan coba 4D dulu aja, tetapi kalo emang mau main di waterboom sih harus beli tiket terusan. Selamat bermain!
a view in Kampung Gajah
DAY 3 – Last Day
Akhirnya, seperti selalu saya tuliskan, tiada pesta yang tak usai. Pada hari Selasa 1 Januari 2013, tiba saatnya pulang dan menyambut rutinitas yang membosankan. Sebelum pulang, pasti ada waktu untuk mencari oleh-oleh. Kami di ajak Pasar Kosambi, pusat kerupuk-kerupuk sepertinya karena disana banyak jenis kerupuk yang dijual kiloan dengan harga yang murah, saya beli banyak saja cuma seharga Rp 44.000, kalo beli dimobil pinggir jalan atau pusat oleh-oleh yang sudah dikemas mungkin bisa ratusan itu saya belanjanya. Di sana ada yang jual cabe dijadikan manisan, saya lupa fotoin, tapi saya coba rasanya nggak jelas gitu deh.. aneh.. 😆 selain beli kerupuk, saya juga beli peyeum dan talas rebus. Yummiyyy.
Puas milih-milih kelithian, kami lanjut makan durian di dekat Prima Rasa (agak nggak enak sih, tapi namanya juga durian, tetap menggugah selera, akhirnya ketan yang saya makan kemarin ketemu durian juga di perut :p). Beli Karuhun dan cakes di Prima Rasa (ini rutinitas kalo ke Bandung sih, nothing special). Beli batagor Yunus (ini juga sudah tradisiii) and finally… time to say “see you” to Bandung Family.. *dadah dadah cantik*
Kami pulang sekitar jam 4 sore dan sampai di Depok sekitar jam 11 malam.. dan macetnya itu cuma karena antrian orang-orang yang mau singgah ke rest area KM 42! *keluh*