If you are not in the same path with others in one thing, if what they did hurt you deep in the heart, even if it really is something beyond forgiven in your faith.. Please disagree in a civilized way.
For what my God taught me, hate the belief, not the believer. Condemn the actions, not the actor…
And yeah, everyone has their own choice and I am sure that whatever they choose to believe, they have done their cognitive process. Appreciate the difference and treasure the diversity. Let us make this world a better place.
About losing someone
Today’s Prompt: Write about a loss: something (or someone) that was part of your life, and isn’t any more. Make today’s post the first in a three-post series.
I was crying so hard when my sister joins me in our tiny living room.
“What happened? Why are you crying so hard that your nose is red as a tomato?” She asks me gently, trying to amuse me as well.
“Nothing, I am okay.” I stop crying and wipe the tears from my face.
“You look everything but okay. C’mon, you know you can trust me with anything. I won’t judge you, I promise.”
“I was crying because Fred passed away…” I say, trying to keep calm but failed : I start to sob again.
“Oh.. I am so sorry. Fred from your history class? The one that used to drive you home from school? What happened to him?” She looks shocked by my answer. I keep sobbing and give her no answer – we sit there in silence for a minute or so, until she finally breaks it and says “Sorry Dear, I guess I ask too many questions. I’ll leave you alone if you want to, just don’t be sad too long – Fred wouldn’t approve if you drowned in sadness. I’m sure he wants you to smile honoring his memories.” She is about to leave me alone when I finally answer her.
“No.. It’s not that Fred. It is Fred Weasley… He killed in an explosion in Hogwarts.”
“Wait, WHAT?”
To be continued…
p.s. The credit of this post’ featured image goes to this amazing artist!
It is an edited version.
The Forever Songs in My Life
Do I really need to explain this?
Every one loves Harry Potter! (Okay, it is an overgeneralizing, but I refuse to believe that there is a person out there who hates Harry) 😀
Just by hearing this melody could bring all the great memories of our adventure with the Boy Who Lived.
I was in my second grade of Junior High School when my friend introduced me to Harry Potter – The series already reached the third book if I’m not mistaken. Almost 15 years passed since that life changing moment. I am all grown up now but every time I hear this song, I feel like I am back to the safety of my mom’s warm embrace.
Today’s prompt of writing 101 is to write about three most important songs in my life. When I read that prompt this morning, my head suddenly full of this original score of Harry Potter. While I already made up my mind about the first song, I still have to choose the other two and it’s really painful that i found it was such a hard task for me. *sigh*
At the end of the day, I don’t have to dig my memory and find the perfect two songs for this post – they come to my mind in their own way! I was browsing and reading my old post when I stumble upon a post (Sorry, I won’t put a link because the post is full of hatred – my old self was a grumpy little lady). The post remind me of a song that used to be a soundtrack to lighten my mood. The song is In The End by Linkin Park.
Do you know what is my favorite part of this song? The iconic melody at the beginning!
Linkin Park had succeed in making me believe they understand what I feel : I tried so hard and got so far, but in the end it doesn’t even matter. Exactly, nothing matters.
The third song – or like every body else love to say – the last but not the least, is a song from my home country. The singer is my long time favorite singer from my generation. Sherina Munaf. She is a very talented singer who can play many musical instruments : piano is my favorite!
Sebelum Selamanya, literally translated as “before forever” is my own soundtrack for my big event next month.
Couples have to remember the first time they fall in love before promising each other a “forever”.
Feels like Home
“Home is a name, a word, it is a strong one; stronger than magician ever spoke, or spirit ever answered to, in the strongest conjuration.” – Charles Dickens
My nostrils are dancing happily because of this sweet smell: the smell of a hot cup of coffee blend with cinnamon. I really love to taste the bitterness from that cup so I look around to find the source. The smell is coming from a house in the left corner of the street at where i stand now, which looks so familiar to me. The house is a two story house painted grey with a black fence and someone has left the front door ajar – probably the reason why I could smell the coffee.
The strangely familiar feeling inside me pushes me toward the house. Now I am standing so close with the house and realize its front yard is full of blooming jasmines and black roses, the gate also left ajar and I can see the path lead to the front door. My feet keep taking steps drawing my body closer to knock on the slightly open door- leaving my mind wondering what makes me doing something that so not me. My confused face is reflected in a man’s face that answers my knock. My rational mind tells me to apologize and to leave the house immediately but something in my heart makes me stand still and stare to the man’s brown eyes. Yes, I just stare to a strange man’s eyes and adore what I see. I must have eaten something wrong this lunch because I am acting so weird now.
“Can I help you?” ask the man nicely after he recovered from his confusion.
“Hm.. I don’t know, I smell your coffee from over there and my subconscious brought me here.. When I recovered, my hand already knocked on your door and here I am, standing in front of you, staring at your beautiful eyes and mumbling nonsense.” My own ears is amazed by my answer. I must have lost my mind because I never talk like that to a man before, moreover to a strange man I know nothing about.
“What a straight answer, I don’t know how to respond to that one. I guess my coffee is the one responsible for your awkwardness and it makes me feel that I owe you one cup. Come here then… if you want to, of course.” The man smiles, showing his bright white teeth. Oh My GOD, I am noticing his teeth now, what else will happen to me after this? The coffee needs to be very strong to wake me from this trance state.
I sit on the single sofa beside the front window while the man vanished to the back side of the house, probably to brew me one cup of his coffee or maybe he is calling 911 to inform them that his house is invaded by a strange woman. My eyes are scanning the living room. The whole wall is painted white but one side of the wall- the one directly in front of me -mostly covered by black and white photographs in black frames: the exact way I want to decorate my own house. The familiar feelings creep back inside me. I turn my eyes to another side of the wall because I feel my tears are coming. On my left side, I see the front door – the one that left ajar – and one big window beside each side of the door, are all in the black and white monochrome colors. Minimalist style with much space left empty and a giant vase stands alone in my right side.
Almost five minutes until the man is coming back to living room bringing my coffee. The same sweet smell filled the air and my heart feels warm. He offers me the coffee but my hand is shaking heavily that I couldn’t take the cup. Suddenly, not only my hand but all of my body is shaking, as if it is shaken by an invisible person and I feel my eyes are full of tears now.
“Honey, are you okay?” I hear a voice asking me softly but it’s a different voice from the man before and I also feel a hand caressing my cheeks as if trying to calm me down. I open my eyes to see my brother face full of concern and his eyes is softening when meeting my eyes.
“Yes, I guess I am okay now. I’ve just had a dream, a nice one actually”, I told him as calm as I can, trying to assure him that I am okay even if I’m not really okay right now. I know now why the house looks familiar to me, because that was my burnt house and the man with a cup of coffee was the love of my life.
“Of him?” My brother ask tenderly.
“and our warm home. I am home again..”
It is an edited version.
Unlocking my mind….in Garut
Okay, I join The April Writing 101 in Blogging University (after I couldn’t complete it last year), hoping that I can complete it this year.
Our first task is to write our stream of consciousness in 20 minutes. I had to put my phone in stopwatch mode in order to keep my mind on this task.
I have no idea what to write, so I just write what cross my mind. Everybody else is writing about their Easter-related moment, since I am not celebrating Easter, I just enjoy the holiday and I will write about it.
I went to Garut, in West Java, Indonesia to visit the grave of my fiance’s grandmother before our wedding in this May. I really love this journey because I could see the beauty of Garut and how cold the air there. We went there Friday early morning but the toll road was already packed with cars and the traffic jam was already welcoming us there. The 5 hours journey became 10 but with the green view and nice food, everything is bearable.
Beside visiting the Grave, we also went to Garut for its Leather Market. I had to buy shoes for my dad there. They sell many leather-product with great quality in such a very reasonable price. I spend approximately $40 only for 2 sandals and 2 formal shoes! if you happen to be in West Java, just don’t miss the opportunity to shop leather in Sukaregang Leather Market, in Garut.
We also visit the Chocolatier, another Garut’s finest product. The name is Chocodot, it is known as the first chocolate maker which blend chocolate with dodol (traditional sweet-sticky food from Garut). They have many kind of chocolate with fancy name. They also sell it in a very reasonable price!
The best Holiday is the one which make our tummy happy!
Argh, I still have another 5 minutes to write. I should write about where we spend the night. We weren’t planning to stay overnight in Garut, because we are going to go to Bandung to spend two nights there but because of the traffic jam, we had to stay one night in Garut. Long holiday is not a time to an unplanned stay-over journey. Almost all the hotel is fully booked, with Jakarta-plate cars in the yard. Thank God we finally get room in Familie Ayu Hotel, an old but comfortable hotel. We are lucky, with only $20/room/night!
So, have you ever experience the unplanned journey that turn out to be very fun? please share..
….my 20 minutes is finally over. Yeay!
Chasing The Sun
Happy National Movie Day!
I remember one Indonesia Movie that trigger my emotional memory. That movie is “Mengejar Matahari” (literally translated as Chasing the Sun). This movie is about 4 boys with an amazing friendship which is built through years since their childhood time. Their friendship is in danger when they grow up with one traumatic event, and they tend to go in separate way. Through many challenges and how their future turn out to be, they finally find their way to each other again and could do their favorite past time moment, which is chasing the sun.
Casts of this movie is really good, both in acting and in their looks. This is the first reason I admire Fauzi Baadillah and I still do at this time. Their on-set friendship somehow look very realistic and could have experienced by many of us. The movie taught me that friendship is a fragile thing but if it’s really meant to be, it will find its way back, no matter what happen or what our future need us to be, we will always have one another.
Do you know why this movie could trigger my feeling? It’s because who I watched this with and how we relate to this movie. I watched this one with my all time favorite people: i, Wau and Koemp (I have this post dedicated for them).. Honestly, I couldn’t recall perfectly whether I really watched this movie with them or just i or that I wished I had watch it with them, either way, every time I hear the soundtrack of this movie, I am longing for their presence.
Our future turn out to be like this. We hardly ever seen one another now, yet talking over night like we used to be. Many big days past without us being together, especially me, I have been such a miserable friend, I can’t attend Koemp’s wedding day, I haven’t see Auw’s cute little angel and I miss talking with i. I have been busy because my life has been very messy and I feel trashy, much like Damar in this movie. I have been so hard to my self lately and I miss loosen up with you three.
Do you know what people told us about a great movie? A great movie is a movie that effecting people’s life, preferably in positive way. “Mengejar Matahari” has big impact to my life. It showed me that no matter what person we turn out to be, our best friend will always welcome us and our hearts will feel like we are at home again.
“Ada teman-teman di masa kecil kita. Ada teman-teman di masa remaja kita. Ada teman-teman di masa tua kita. Ada sahabat-sahabat untuk selamanya” – Mengejar Matahari
…on Friend and Friendship
“Books! And cleverness! There are more important things – friendship and bravery”
– Hermione Granger
Every Potterhead like me must have been dreaming about having friends and friendship like what Harry had in his journey, but our reality is different from Harry’s reality because we are living in this boring muggle’s universe. Friendship is carved not just popped. Friends need to be made through one or more live-saving or truth-facing incidents.
We’ve been through many stages in our lives, still in one stage and will face many stages in the future. Every stages bring its own experience that sometime with an extended package, it introduce us to people that will stay in our heart and labeled as friend (some will labeled as best-friend-forever).
Since I am a huge fan of Erikson’s Psychosocial Development Theory, I will take his perspective on this post. According to Erikson, I am now in Early Adulthood Stage which crisis is intimacy vs isolation. Characteristics of this stage is we are able to reach out and connect with others and the favorable outcome is become intimate with someone and work toward career.
As an early adult, we are given the liberty of adult but also the responsibility. Our responsibility as an adult is not only for ourselves but also for the community. Society will push us to have a job, career, occupation, passion, or any other name of it. Beside having an income to support our lives, society will begin to push us to have a spouse or significant other, especially if you live in a country like mine where a woman is supposed to get married around 25yo.
According to what Erikson has said about this stage, someone need to acquire a sense of intimacy by accepting oneself and fusing one personality with others in order to accept others. It is the hard part of being an adult with many responsibilities. Sometime we tend to forget that we need someone or even a community to back us up when we are down. We are in a very productive age so we think that we need to pursue our dream as hard as we can even if we have to let many people disappointed at us in the process. As an adult, we are joining the world full of intrigues and hidden agendas, even ourselves had one or two. If we forget the basic principle of making friend and just building a relationship in a very manipulative way, we will have friends but we still won’t sense the intimacy.
Friendship is based on a mutual feeling. People will stick to someone who treasure their presence, because unrequited love is really tiring.
Sakitnya tuh di sini….
-Ruang Tim Evaluasi Kinerja-
*telepon berdering*
Saya: “Halo”
Penelepon (Bapak-bapak): “Halo.. ruangan tim *** ya?”
Saya: “Iya benar pak, dari siapa pak?”
Penelepon: “Saya ***** dari **, Ada anggota tim yang laki-laki, mbak?”
Saya: “Ada apa, pak? Ada yang bisa saya bantu?”
Penelepon: “Saya mau ngomong sama yang lain, yang laki-laki. Ada?”
Saya: “@$%$%^”
….salah saya apa ya, Pak? Saya juga anggota tim dan bisa menjawab pertanyaan teknis Bapak, koq.
KZL!
Dumbledore’s QOTD
I really am not OKAY
Happy Mother’s day for all the mother in this world, whether alive or passed away..
but.. I won’t write about mother’s day…
I have been neglecting this blog for far too long, I wish I could make my work as an excuse, I wish I could say that I have nothing to write. Instead, I really have many things to write, and I did have a heavy workloads but I could still find time to write, if I want to…
I have been using my work as an escape from my own self, I put all my effort to pour my mind only for my work and I tend to work overtime to avoid having so much time to spend alone at home in the night. I tend to be somewhere else than on my bed in the early night.
Those things are my common feeling lately, but I haven’t aware of how much energy consumed by that habit, until today. I am a trained girl for physical activities, I used to be a Scout member and I have graduated from military-based training. It is for my own surprise that I almost faint twice in these two months (first in Sumpah Pemuda Ceremony and second in Hari Ibu Ceremony, today). When I fainted for the first time, I have my own excuse, because I am on a strict diet and haven’t had my breakfast that morning, but today, I have enough sleep, I eat normally yesterday but I still fainted this morning.
Then I realize what I’ve been through these couple months and since I always blame my self for everything I’ve been through and my believe that every thing happened according to our own mind, I got an insight about what is really happening to me and I have to admit that I’m depressed.
Being someone that has a psychology background, everyone seems to see me as someone that always jumped into ‘a psychological conclusion’, and they won’t believe me even if I have shown them symptoms that happened to me. They will say that I over analyze my self with my own knowledge, but they usually believe if I analyze their symptoms. Double standard, no?
Writing is my self-healing methods and I’ve been avoiding it far too long because every time I want to write something, my mind start to frightened me with exaggerating thoughts about one thing or another, especially about someone that I lose, feeling that I’ve missed because of that ‘losing thing’. I know why I’ve been in this situations yet I couldn’t make peace with my mind. I blame my self for what has happened despite everyone else see this as something beyond my control. I couldn’t exactly write the exact story here, i’m afraid that it will be worst if someone read it and get hurt because of it.
My mind is tricking me.
Someone is playing it.
I feel fine while I know that I’m not.
I got so tired yet I am full of energy at the same time.
..but yes, everyone seems to believe that I am FINE..
Pic Source: http://www.pinterest.com/pin/424042121135846008/
The DarkJasmine 